“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Lch Lecha
9 MarCheshvan 5782/October 15, 2021
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לרפואה שלימה נטע יצחק בן רחל
TABLE THAT
THOUGHT
Over
the years as our family has grown b’h, coupled with the fact that we enjoy
having guests for Shabbos meals, we have outgrown our dining room table.
The table we had for the last decade
and a half, was a gift to us from the family of Mr. Leo Joseph a”h. Mr. Joseph
was our neighbor for the five years that we lived in an apartment in Blueberry
Hills Condominiums. Despite the fact that he survived the horrors of the
Holocaust and was already a widower by the time we knew him, he was always
pleasant and had a smile on his face. When he passed away, his family
graciously gave us his dining room table. But the time had come for us to find
a new table that was larger and could accommodate our family and periodic
guests.
After a long search, we found a new
table that worked for us.
I was thinking about the importance
of our dining room table and how much happens in its presence.
Rabbi Pinchos Idstein, a rebbe of
mine, related that years ago, his accountant informed him that he could use his
Shabbos table expenses as a write-off for his taxes. Being that he was a rebbe
in the local Yeshiva in an outreach-oriented community, his guests could
legitimately be considered recruitment for the school. His accountant suggested
that he save his grocery receipts, figure out a percentage and claim it as a
deduction.
Sometime later Rabbi Idstein was
informed that he was being audited by the IRS. During the meeting, as the IRS
representative was reviewing his file, she asked him about his business
expenses. Rabbi Idstein explained to her that Orthodox Jews have two
Thanksgiving-like dinners every weekend. The family sits together, singing
songs, thanking G-d and discussing ethical matters. They invited guests
regularly to enhance the experience. He added that kosher chicken costs a whole
lot more than Frank Perdue.
Rabbi Idstein recounted that the
woman stared at him for a moment in silence and then quipped that she could
hardly get her family to sit together on Thanksgiving itself. She couldn’t
believe that his family did it twice every week.
In the end, the IRS owed the
Idstein’s money. So aside for some majorly frazzled nerves beforehand, all’s
well that ends well.
Dr. Yitzy Schechter, a noted
psychologist and former supervisor, notes that when he does an intake with new
Jewish clients, he often asks him/her to describe what the family Shabbos table
looks like. There is a lot one can learn about family dynamics from the weekly
patterns that occur at the Shabbos table.
So much of the values we wish to
impart to our children are conveyed at the Shabbos table. There are
conversations about Torah values, outlook on current events, seeing the Hand of
Hashem in our lives, speaking about the parsha, singing zemiros, and discussing
what’s happening in each other’s lives. Of course, in most homes there is also
the ubiquitous quibbles and squabbles about who sits where, and whose turn it
is to speak/sing, and which child should be helping serve and clear. (Don’t
pretend this doesn’t happen in your home if you have children…)
Many of my fondest memories and most
wonderful times are from around the Shabbos table.
On one occasion when I had to get a
shot a number of years ago, I wanted to divert my attention from the needle. In
my mind I pictured myself at my shabbos table singing Yom zeh mechubad.
That was the tranquil and peaceful moment I focused on to calm myself. That event
also reminded me that, in retrospect, our greatest memories often aren’t from
amazing trips and vacations, but the seemingly mundane and even trite pleasant
events that we don’t think much about at the time.
I enjoy when our Shabbos table is
set on Thursday night. The mere sight of the majestically set table generates
an anticipatory excitement for Shabbos.
Rav Matisyahu Salomon notes that the
Shabbos table should never become an extension of their child’s classroom. It
is vital that parents do their utmost to make sure each of their children feel
heard and validated at the Shabbos table. With more than one child that’s no
easy feat. But that’s why parents get paid the big bucks. If a child has a hard
time in class, he shouldn’t be asked parsha questions at the table where he
will be embarrassed in front of his family. Parents also need to decide how
long they should insist their children remain at the Shabbos table without it
becoming overbearing. Overall, Shabbos meals must be a pleasant and uplifting
experience for everyone.
A few years ago, a friend sent me
recorded lectures from Rabbi Yisroel Belsky in which he spoke about having a
positive home. One of the points Rabbi Belsky emphasized was the importance of
there being laughter in the home. Families should have occasions to laugh
together.
At times I would tell stories at my
Shabbos table from my youth which had my children laughing heartily. (I would
be careful that there shouldn’t be loshon hora involved.) On those
occasions, I would feel a little guilty that perhaps it wasn’t in the spirit of
the Shabbos table. But when I heard those words from Rabbi Belsky I rethought
the matter. Laughing together at a Shabbos table helps bring the family
together and hopefully allow the beautiful kedusha components of the seudah to
penetrate more and be more memorable.
Although we had outgrown our old
table it was somewhat sad to bid it farewell. Aside for the memory of our dear
neighbor Mr. Joseph, there were so many wonderful moments and great memories
shared at that table. There were Sheva berachos, family get-togethers, Pesach
Sedorim, and many other wonderful occasions, not to mention hours of Torah
learning and homework done over that table.
But we anticipate many more
beautiful memories that will be created around our new table as well. Perhaps
we’ll be lucky enough to have you be a part of it at some point.
Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos
R’ Dani and Chani Staum