Thursday, August 29, 2013

PARSHIOS NETZOVIM-VAYELECH 5773

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Netzovim-Vayelech
24 Elul 5773/August 30, 2013
Pirkei Avos – perek 5-6

It is with the utmost gratitude to Hashem that we announce the birth of our son on Monday morning, 20 Elul 5773/August 26, 2013. That first moment when a new life emerges and detaches itself from its nine-month life source, and is suddenly exposed to an absolutely foreign world, is just so incredible.
During the birth, I was reminded of the following: During the winter of 2002, when we were searching for a band to play at our wedding, we had a few different options. My father, who didn’t mix in with too many of these types of decisions, urged us strongly to use the Yitzy Braun ensemble. My father explained that many musicians seem to play at simchos solely because it’s their job. They may play well, but they don’t seem to enjoy it much. My father wanted a musician who looked like he enjoyed what he was doing; he wanted someone who exuded a feeling of happiness as he played. After seeing him play at a few weddings, my father was impressed that Yitzy Braun smiled and seemed to really enjoy the simcha he was enhancing.
For the same reason we really appreciate the doctor who delivered our baby this week – Dr. Peter Simonson. As a seasoned doctor he has delivered thousands of babies during his decades on call. Yet when he delivers a baby it is obvious that he still enjoys the miracle he is participating in. His excitement throughout the process is palpable, as are his wishes of ‘mazal tov’ afterwards with a warm beaming smile. It may seem like a triviality, but it meant a lot to us, and enhanced our own inexpressible joy at that moment.
How does one fulfill the roles and tasks he will anyways be fulfilling? If you ever encountered a grumpy cashier in the supermarket you understand this idea. In the long run the cashier’s emotions have little effect on our lives, but the cashier’s negativity is contagious and can really put a damper on your shopping experience.
A little bit of honey goes a long way to sweeten something otherwise bland. A little smile and a shining countenance can make a tremendous difference.
As the year comes to an end, and we prepare to commence the new year with hopes for blessing and tranquility, we should pause to consider how we do what we do. Particularly, we should consider how we perform mitzvos and serve Hashem.
The Torah warns that the curses of the Rebuke affect us “because you did not serve Hashem, your G-d, with joy and goodness of heart.”
Three times a day in the final blessing of Shemoneh Esrei we ask G-d to bless us with the light of His Countenance. “For with the light of Your Countenance You have given us, Hashem, our G-d, a Torah of life, loving-kindness, charity, blessing, mercy, life, all that’s good, and peace.”
Similarly, we request from G-d that it not only be a good year, but a sweet new year. The greatest merit we can have in hoping for a sweet new year is to commit ourselves to being sweeter ourselves.
It’s not only about what we do, it’s also how we do it!

     Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
    R’ Dani and Chani Staum

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, August 22, 2013

PARSHAS KI SAVO 5773

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Ki Savo
17 Elul 5773/August 23, 2013
Pirkei Avos – perek 3-4

The busses departed and the 5773/2013 camping season camp to an end. Although in past years our family has lingered to enjoy the fresh air and (now) quiet grounds in camp after the campers have left, this year we had to leave within a few hours for a variety of reasons.
As I was packing up our bungalow (well, not the bungalow itself, just its contents) I was remembering what it was like when I returned home from camp as a camper (I wasn’t married yet, which is a good thing, because I wasn’t a Bar Mitzvah yet either).
My mother would meet me at the bus, and when she first saw me I got that ‘Mommy smile’, and the big kiss, and hug that all kids love. When we pulled up to our house and I saw my siblings for the first time after two months, there was a moment of genuine excitement. That excitement was so legitimate that we even pledged to get along that year. [Every year the pledge lasted a little longer. By the time we moved out of the house we were up to like six minutes, give or take a few minutes…]
But I was not allowed to proceed further! I was immediately dispatched to the shower, and my suitcase and duffel bag were deposited in the garage. Alas! My clothes were not allowed to cross the threshold of our home, without going straight into the washing machine. Only then were they allowed to be brought up to my room. My duffel bag remained open in the garage, until enough time had elapsed that anything living in it could die or escape. Only then could my stuff be brought into the actual house.
Every year I would ask my mother why she had to rewash all of my clothes. After all, my dirty clothing was in my laundry bag, and everything else in the suitcase was clean. My mother would reply that the camp standard of clean wasn’t good enough for our house, and everything – bar none – had to be cleaned again.
Anyone who has enjoyed the overnight camp experience can appreciate this concept. Camp has its own reality, where all of the tensions and pressures of the outside world seem to freeze at the front gate (mortgage bills and school forms all lurk menacingly at the gate, and the second you leave camp they attack you full force). For the camp world, many modes of dress and behavior that would never be acceptable in the outside world are deemed normal, or even laudable. But when one leaves camp and returns to the ‘abnormal world of reality’, he must ensure that he fits in with society.
Throughout the year we live up to a certain standard of normalcy. We consider ourselves pretty good Jews who work hard to try to live moral lives according to the Torah, and to fulfill the mitzvos to the best of our ability. We pray, study, give charity, try to help others, etc. We know we can always do better, but in comparison to our surroundings, hey! we are pretty good.
And then Elul begins and we hear the shofar’s cry. Suddenly there is a new standard of ‘normal’. Suddenly ‘good enough’ is no longer good enough. What was considered laudable until now has become deficient. It’s time to step it up!
It’s time to go home. But we can only enter if we have ensured that we and our belongings are pure enough to come in.

     Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
    R’ Dani and Chani Staum

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, August 15, 2013

PARSHAS KI SETZEI 5773



“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Ki Setzei
10 Elul 5773/August 16, 2013
Pirkei Avos – perek 2

Soon after our first child was born, a friend offered me a valuable piece of advice: “Once you have children, you only wear one shirt a Shabbos. No matter how dirty he makes your shirt, no matter how many times she wipes her greasy hands on you, you don’t change your shirt. Doing so is just pointless.”
For over a decade of my life I was a student in Yeshiva Shaarei Torah in Monsey, NY. After graduating High School in Shaarei Torah, I returned to learn in Bais Medrash there a little over a year later. I remained there for another eight years, which included the first three years of our marriage.
. When I returned to Yeshiva after Sheva Berachos were over at the end of February 2002, the Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Mordechai Wolmark, requested that I begin wearing a tie to yeshiva every day. I wasn’t very keen about the idea, but Rabbi Wolmark explained that it was a matter of perspective for me. I had to realize that I wasn’t just ‘Bais Medrash guy with a tie’. Rather, now I was a member of the Kollel, and had to view myself in that light. The tie would serve as a subtle reminder of that distinction.
I came to learn very quickly that there was a great advantage to wearing ties, especially when you have children. As mentioned previously, it’s only one shirt for Shabbos, but what about all those stain marks? Enter the tie! Suddenly all those little stains in the center are hidden from view. [That’s why I don’t like those trendy skinny ties. They don’t hide enough of the shirt.]
Sha’arei Teshuva (1:9) uses a stained shirt as a parable for teshuva. He writes that although any amount of teshuva accomplishes, the greater the level of internal introspection and practical rectification, the greater teshuva accomplishes. The more the effort expending in the cleansing process the greater will be the results. 
If one is eating spaghetti and meatballs and some of the sauce splashes on his shirt and he runs to the sink to wash the sauce off his shirt, he will be able to get out the glaring red stain. However, the faded imprint will remain until it is scrubbed and soaked.
There is of course an easier route to take care of the stain, and that is by putting on a tie which covers it. The only problem is that covering the stain doesn’t actually remove it, and it still lurks in the grimy shadows, obscured from view, but waiting for a moment when the tie shifts unwittingly. At that moment the truth will be apparent and everyone will see the stain lurking beneath.
Ours is a society that likes to hide the truth. Everyone seems so happy, life is so perfect, we have so many friends, and things are so blissful. And yet we know that the truth is otherwise.
Elul is the time when we take off our spiritual neckties, roll up our sleeves, and seek to do some real cleaning. The first step is to confront the stains we have covered all year, so that we can get to work removing them completely.
As the summer winds down, many vacationers and mountain-goers are removing their ties from their drawers, after a few weeks’ hiatus. As the physical ties come back on, the spiritual ties need to get loosened so we can see what’s underneath.

     Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
    R’ Dani and Chani Staum

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, August 8, 2013

PARSHAS SHOFTIM 5773



“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Shoftim
3 Elul 5773/August 9, 2013
Pirkei Avos – perek 1

Anyone who has ever attended camp is familiar with how it works. It’s virtually the same in every camp. As the summer draws to a close, all campers begin gearing up for Color War. They know it’s coming, they just don’t know when. Every strange occurrence, every slight alteration on the schedule, every unusual facial expression by the camp’s Head Staff, are all suspect. It’s a tradition as old as camping itself. Color War doesn’t just start; it’s ‘broken out’!
A few summers ago Camp Dora Golding was privileged to be visited and addressed by a distinguished Rebbe. It was a beautiful event and the Rebbe inspired the boys. But because the Rebbe’s visit occurred towards the end of the camping season most of the campers were convinced that this Rebbe they never heard of was part of a breakout. [Thankfully, no one pulled on his beard, or mentioned to him that they knew he was only there for breakout...]
It’s also a particular thrill of campers to be able to declare, “I knew it was a breakout all along! I didn’t believe it for a second!” “Oh, so why were you crying?” “I always cry when I am happy!”
Chovas Halevavos writes that the element of surprise is one of the great tactics which our Evil Inclination employs. When everything is comfortable and predictable we usually have a good handle on ourselves and our behavior. It’s those moments of unpredictability and surprise which threaten to unravel us. Those moments are par for the course of life, and no one can be ready for everything. But the true soldier is one who ‘expects the unexpected’. A soldier stands guard, poised and ready for battle at all times, knowing at all times that the existing quiet can be shattered.
The month of Elul and the cry of the shofar exhorts each of us to ‘man our battle stations’. It’s time for us to engage in active combat in the great perennial war to attain mastery over ourselves. We must be aware that in seeking to grow and improve we will invariably experience various unexpected hurdles and bumps in the road.
Without a doubt the very integral and introspective days of Elul bear few similarities to the gaiety of Color War. However, the concept of a breakout – being plunged into a battle of wits by an unexpected and surprising event, is very much part of our life story.
When it’s all said and done, when the shofar we blue and all the special tefillos we red, may we all emerge victorious!

     Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
    R’ Dani and Chani Staum

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, August 1, 2013

PARSHAS RE’EH 5773



“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Re’eh
26 Menachem Av 5773/August 2, 2013
Pirkei Avos – perek 6

The rule in the Senior Division of Camp Dora Golding, where yours truly is the Division Head, is that if a camper is late to shacharis he has to make up the time during an activity. We look away if it’s only occasional, but ‘frequent flyers’ have to face the consequences.
One particular boy who had come late more than once was told he would lose time from his activity. He was upset and complained that he didn’t want to miss his entire league game. I replied that he was not going to miss the entire game, only the first few minutes, equivalent to the time he had come late that morning. The precocious twelve year old looked at me with pleading eyes and said, “But Rabbi, those first few minutes at the beginning, they are so critical. That’s the worst part to miss!”
I told him that I couldn’t have said it better myself. “Indeed those first few minutes at the beginning – those beautiful berachos, those first Amen’s, the beginning of Pesukei D’zimrah – they are so critical!”
For many people coming on time to shul for davening is a foreign concept. Old habits are hard to break. It’s just so engrained in them that no matter what time davening is, they come late.
To be fair, some people struggle a lot with davening. They hardly understand what they are saying, and it is hard for them to maintain decorum in shul. But feeling uplifted and enjoying davening can only be attained with toil and effort. Like enjoying Torah study, one can only achieve it only if one wants badly enough to work for it.
What an effect it can have on a person’s day to properly recite the beautiful opening berachos and tefillos in which we than Hashem for the blessings we always take for granted and never stop to appreciate.
This Shabbos we ‘bless’ the month of Elul, and we begin to anticipate the great and awesome days that are rapidly approaching. Mesillas Yesharim says not only must we take stock of our actions to see whether they are good or bad, but also to make the good even better.
The beginning of a new year is imminent, and the beginning is the worst part to miss.

     Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
    R’ Dani and Chani Staum

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425