Thursday, April 30, 2015

PARSHIOS ACHAREI MOS/KEDOSHIM 5775


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh – Parshas Acharei Mos-Kedoshim
12 Iyar 5775/ May1, 2015
28th day of the Omer - Pirkei Avos – Chapter 3

Recently, a close friend of mine, who is a member of the board of his shul, recounted to me his surprise with the behavior of a fellow congregant. His shul is in middle of a renovation which will enhance and beautify the shul. A congregant angrily approached him and began droning on about how upset he is with the new project for various reasons. My friend couldn’t understand the congregant’s senseless ranting.
I related to my friend a wise piece of advice that a rabbinical colleague once conveyed to me: Many people try to assert their opinion at the office but their boss tells them to pipe down and get back to work. Then they come home at the end of the day and try to assert themselves at home, whereupon their wives put them back in their place. So these people who have a stifled need from some level of authority and are desperate to assert themselves somewhere, come to shul and yell, scream, and carry on over inane things, which most people (including the person himself) normally could care less about. [Personal disclaimer: Although I understand the wisdom of this statement, I cannot relate to it, because in our shul – Kehillat New Hempstead – no one ever vents or gripes about anything. It’s as if there’s a cloud of blissful peace that descends upon everyone who walks through the door of the shul. It probably has something to do with the rabbi.]
I also told my friend that at times when people are carrying on to me about something I contemplate whether the conversation is really about me or about the person himself. Sometimes it becomes clear that the person criticizing me or lambasting me needs to do so for his own sense of validation.
When I realize that, it becomes easier to listen to his words unemotionally. I feel I am doing a chesed by listening to him and telling him I appreciate his suggestions about how awful my derasha was or why the shul should totally change its direction as per his suggestions. [Again this is all theoretically speaking from what I heard occurs in other shuls.]
Every person needs to feel valued and appreciated. Listening to someone is therefore a truly great chesed. In a certain sense it is giving them validation.
Spouses have an added responsibility to be there for each other, in a way that no one else can. The same certainly holds true for children. Sometimes it’s far easier to “be there” for everyone else, than it is to be there for our most loved ones. If we are able to remember how valuable listening and being there it becomes easier to do so.
Those who solicit funds for tzedakah note that there was a time when people would give time even though they wouldn’t necessarily give a lot of money. Today however, people are far quicker to give money as long as they don’t have to give time.
In our world, time and attention, as well as love and validation, are far more valuable and rare commodities than money.
Do a chesed today: Listen to a ranting neighbor or friend, or better yet to a venting spouse or child.

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum
     

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, April 23, 2015

PARSHIOS TAZRIA/METZORA 5775


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh – Parshas Tazria-Metzora
5 Iyar 5775/ April 28, 2015
21st day of the Omer - Pirkei Avos – Chapter 2

Although it’s always sad when a Yom Tov ends, there was always something exciting about Motzei Pesach. As soon as we finished putting away all of the Pesach dishes, cutlery, tablecloths, haggadahs, etc. we excitedly ripped the tinfoil off the counters, and cut the bows tied around the handles on the chometz shelves. Within a few minutes the kitchen was reverted back to its usual look with nary a trace of the Pesach coverings that had adorned it for the previous week and a half.
It was always amazing to me how quickly we were able to undo what had taken so much time to create. The covering and koshering which had been done so carefully and meticulously required minimal effort to reverse. 
The truth is that the unfair balance is a fact of life. What can take us so long to achieve and accomplish can be uprooted and destroyed so rapidly.
The moral of the story is that it’s not enough to build, but one must also know how to savor and preserve their accomplishments without forfeiting them.
During Pesach we grow spiritually through performing the unique mitzvos and halachos endemic to the Yom Tov. The question then becomes how to maintain that growth and not allow it to be placed in the trash alongside the now defunct counter-covering aluminum foil.
In regards to Pesach the resolution to that dilemma is built into the holiday itself, i.e. Sefiras Haomer. The path to growth is through constant goal-setting and striving to achieve greater levels. The path to maintaining growth is through developing positive habits and routines that “lock in” one’s new accomplishments.
During the days of Sefirah we not only seek to accomplish new growth, but we seek to build upon the growth of previous days and weeks.
This past Shabbos we began the study of Pirkei Avos. Towards the end of perek 1, the great Shammai relates three teachings: “Make your Torah (study) fixed, speak little and do a lot, and accept every person with a smiling countenance.”
After reading the perek in shul this past Shabbos, I was discussing this mishna with others and we wondered, what is the connection between these three seemingly disparate bits of advice?
We thought that perhaps Shammai is relating to us the importance of developing positive habits. Torah study cannot be arbitrary and ‘whenever one has time’. Every person has to set for himself fixed times for Torah study. Learning to regulate one’s words and not immediately say whatever is on one’s mind is a positive habit that one can foster within himself. Finally, one can train himself to greet everyone he encounters with a smile and a pleasant disposition.
So often when people extol the character of great Torah leaders they speak of their incredible adherence to their schedule of Torah study, how they measure their words, and the warmth which they exude to everyone they met.  
 By now we are all again enjoying our pizza and pasta. But we want to hold on to the spiritual growth of Pesach and incorporate it into our daily routine.  

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum
     

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, April 16, 2015

PARSHAS SHEMINI 5775


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh – Parshas Shemini
Mevorchim Chodesh Iyar
28 Nissan 5775/ April 17, 2015
13th day of the Omer - Pirkei Avos – Chapter 1

Who knows 8?
I know 8! I definitely 8 too much over Yom Tov!
Ask any nutritionist and they will tell you that they are booked solid during these weeks after Pesach. It seems that the matzah which infuses us with spiritual faith simultaneously infuses us with physical calories. If only we could figure out how to hold onto the faith while relinquishing the calories!
But this year there is another 8. Being that Pesach began and ended on Shabbos, in the cycle of weekly torah readings we have been stalled at parshas Shemini for three weeks. (This is not true in Eretz Yisroel where Pesach ended on Friday. There parshas Shemini was read last shabbos.) Therefore during the Shabbos Mincha Torah reading as well as the Monday and Thursday Torah readings the week before Pesach and the week after Pesach we have been reading parshas Shemini. By the time we are ready to move on next week, we will have read the first section of parshas Shemini (which literally means "parshas eighth") eight times.
It's definitely a cute occurrence, but is there perhaps a practical lesson to be derived from our repeated readings of the first section of the parsha?
The beginning of parshas Shemini relates the events that occurred on the first day of Nissan 2449, the day when the service of the Mishkan officially began (the eighth day from when the service "unofficial" began). The gemara (Megillah 10b) relates that that day was as joyous before G-d as the day of creation of heaven and earth. The first section of the parsha details the special offerings and service performed on that incredible day. Yet a mere ten verses into the second aliyah the torah relates the shocking tragedy that transpired when Nadav and Avihu, the two righteous sons of Aharon and future leaders of the nation, died in the sanctuary. The nation which had been enjoying blissful celebration was immediately plunged into pained mourning.
As we read the opening verses of the parsha repeatedly we are aware of the tragedy that lurks just beyond. In the world of literature this is called dramatic irony. However, despite the fact that we know what is about to occur, as we read the previous verses, there is only mention of the joyous service being performed.
Perhaps that is the message we are to extrapolate: Live in the moment! Celebrate the moment and thank G-d for the blessings of the present.
No one knows what tomorrow will bring and we all live with fear of the unknown future. But faith entails that we trust in G-d and live each day with a sense of security.
The tragic death of the sons of Aharon will occur when the time comes. But until then there should be only celebration and elation.
In our world we too live with a sense of fear for we know not what tomorrow will bring. The lesson of Pesach and the matzah is that we can only feel secure when we have faith in the only real truth and power that exists.
Even as we look to drop the calories we need to hold on to the message and symbolism that the matzah infuses within us.
The matzah reminds us that one is Hashem - one and only!

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Pesach II 5775


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh – Pesach
14 Nissan 5775/ April 3, 2015

Every child knows that the wise son is the hero of the seder, while the wicked son is the villain. The wicked son asks “What is this work for you?” utilizing an expression of “lachem – for you”, extricating himself from that service. Yet the wise son does not seem to be very different. His question is “What are the testimonies, laws, and judgements that Hashem, our G-d, commanded you?” He may be wise in the sense that he discerns that there are different classifications of laws and mitzvos performed at the Seder – testimonies, laws, and judgements. Nevertheless, he too clearly states that all those laws were commanded to “you” and not “to us”? The fact that he refers to Hashem, “our G-d” only furthers our confusion about this child. Does he want to be part of it or not?
I’m not sure why but it’s a simple moment etched in my memory. I am five years old and have just arrived at the Polisher Shteibel on the Lower East Side with my father for Shabbos morning davening. My father opens my siddur to Mah Tovu, which is where I begin davening in school each morning. But I shake my head. “No, Abba, I want to daven what you are davening.” In my mind I thought children had a different davening than adults. My father shows me that he not only says the same tefillos as I do, but he even begins a few pages earlier with donning his tallis. I am content with his response and begin Mah Tovu. [I should add that I also have a distinct memory driving little matchbox cars up and down the tables in the shteibel. That may have been three minutes later.]
When the wise son asks his father to explain “the testimonies, the laws, and the judgments that G-d has commanded you” his intention is not to exclude himself. Rather he wants his father to explain it to him in all its depth. He doesn’t want the watered-down version taught to children. He strives to understand the true meaning of everything being performed at the Seder. He wants his father to explain it to him the way his father learned it from his rebbe, with all the details and intricacies.
Judaism does not necessarily laud one who knows many facts. When the Torah refers to a chacham it refers to one who possesses a deep desire for knowledge. The wise person is not satisfied knowing just the what. He also wants to know the who, the why, and the when. He seeks to learn lessons from everyone and everything that happens around him (See Avos 4:1).
I remember my ninth grade rebbe, Rabbi Dovid Katzenstein, lamenting the fact that we live in a world not embarrassed of its ignorance. There was a time when people strove to be well-educated, to know facts, and to understand things – not because they had to know, but because they wanted to know. They felt that it was part of their humanity – to know, to seek, to ponder, and to challenge.
Today however, many people are quaint with being the Sheaino Yode’a Lishol, the son who does not ask. That son does not fail to ask out of a lack of intellectual acumen, but because he is apathetic. The lure of facebook and twitter is more intriguing than the symbolism of Korbon Pesach. The latest version of the iphone is more glamorous than the dispute between Rashi and Tosafos. In fact, he may be more enamored with the clarity of a nature scene on his brand new tablet, than he is to see the real nature scene.
During Chanukah 5774, my family celebrated the wedding of my younger brother Yaakov in Yerushalayim. The morning after the chasunah my older brother, R’ Yitzie, and I had the pleasure and privilege to spend some time in private conversation with our rebbe and former Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Berel Wein.
At one point during the conversation I mentioned how much effort we expend to inspire our students. Rabbi Wein stopped me and said “That’s the key! We have to inspire our students; that’s the way to connect and be mechanech students today. In fact, it’s our only hope.”
If we can foster within our children a desire to know and understand, than we have raised a truly wise son. He may not know much yet, but the desire and unquenchable thirst for knowledge is the most important component of the journey.  

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
            Freilichen Yom Tov & Chag Kasher V’samyach
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum     


720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Shvi’i Shel Pesach 5775


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh – Shvi’i shel Pesach
21 Nissan 5775/ April 10, 2015

Whenever discussing somewhere she went, my Bubby – she should live and be well – says that she went ‘heen and back’. A family member once told her that in English the expression is that we go ‘back and forth’. But Bubby was Bubby is adamant that she was more correct: “How can you go back before you went forth?! First you go ‘heen’ and only then do you come back!” It’s a fair point.
The truth is that no matter if he’s coming or going, a Jew is never lost. [Not just because husbands insist they aren’t lost when their wives insist that they have been driving around in circles…]
At the time of Yetzias Mitzrayim, Klal Yisroel displayed incredible faith in following Moshe’s lead into the desert with complete faith. When Pharaoh was informed of the circuitous route they were taking (they in fact re-entered the confines of Egypt shortly after leaving) he was certain that they were lost. That emboldened him to take up the pursuit which eventually landed his army a permanent place at the bottom of the sea.
If only Pharaoh would have known that a Jew is never lost!

February 2014, about an hour to Shabbos.
I went into my garage to take out the garbage when, to my chagrin, I found torrents of water cascading down the wall inside the garage. After a brief investigation it became clear that the pipe hooked up to the sprinkler outside had frozen and burst. I made an urgent phone call to my plumber and asked him to come, or send someone over before Shabbos to fix it.
While talking to the plumber on my cell phone, my wife handed me the house phone. It was a fellow who had been in camp a few years earlier. “Rabbi Staum, I’m not sure if you remember me. This is Eli. I am in the car with four other people. We are NCSY (National Council of Synagogue Youth) leaders and we are on our way to an NCSY Shabbatone in Waterbury CT. We left Brooklyn at about 12 p.m. But after a stop in Queens and getting a flat tire, we are now way behind schedule. There’s no way we are going to make it to Waterbury. Our GPS says we are about an hour from Monsey. I’m sorry for the late call, but do you think we can come to you for Shabbos?”
Of course I agreed but was skeptical if they would be able to make it. They were driving on a donut and there was Friday traffic. There was hardly a chance they would make it to Monsey before sunset.
In the meanwhile my neighbor had come over and thankfully was able to shut the valve and stop the flooding water.
When I told him what was going on he immediately looked at a map online. He called them back and, surveying the area, told them that they were a ten minute drive from Mount Kisko. There were two religious communities in Mount Kisko. One was Nitra Chassidim, the other a small growing modern orthodox community under the leadership of Rabbi Eli Kohl. My neighbor gave them directions for their GPS, and wished them hatzlocho.
After Shabbos Eli called to thank me for my help, and to inform me about what had occurred. They decided to head to the smaller community, and they knocked on the door of the Rabbi Kohl with less than an hour to Shabbos. At that point Rabbi Kohl informed that that week in the Mount Kisko community the shul was hosting a Shabbatone. They had ample food and many children who came for Shabbos, but they were short leaders to help out! The group of NCSY leaders remained there for Shabbos and enhanced the Shabbatone tremendously. They plan on returning in the future.
They thought they were going to do kiruv in Waterbury, but Hashem orchestrated that they do kiruv in Mount Kisko.
And all because a few leaders ‘accidentally’ ended up in the ‘wrong’ location for Shabbos.
So Pharaoh, is a Jew ever really lost? 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
            Freilichen Yom Tov & Chag Kasher V’samyach
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum


720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

PESACH 5775


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh - Pesach
14 Nissan 5775/ April 3, 2015

Just before I began our Sunday morning Mesillas Yeshorim shiur this week, I was reviewing some of the laws regarding how much matzah one should eat and the time frame it should be eaten in at the Seder.
One of the attendees noted that he was always somewhat bothered by all of the nuances and details that are involved in the mitzvos of the Seder. “If the point is to feel a sense of liberation and connection, how can one focus on the essence of the matzah if he is so busy worrying about how much to eat and how much longer he has to finish that amount?” He added that as a ba’al teshuva he can’t help but feel nervous and skeptical that he didn’t perform the mitzvah properly. “Is G-d really more interested in my being neurotic about the details than about my appreciation of what the matzah represents?”
It’s a good question.
After a moment’s thought I replied by sharing with him that shortly before I proposed to my wife, I was discussing my upcoming engagement with my rebbe, Rabbi Yitzchok Heimowitz. At one point Rabbi Heimoiwtz looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said “Doniel, I know you like to make elaborate plans and do unusual things. But your proposal does not need to be anything wild or outlandish.”
I laughed but adhered to his advice. My proposal was very special and meaningful to us (she said yes, by the way) and included the element of surprise without me jumping out of a plane or getting arrested (how I did it is for a different time).
Anyone who has been at that stage will remember the feeling of not being able to do enough for their spouse-to-be. When one is riding cloud nine and feels that longing to be close with their perspective spouse he/she can spend hours working out minute details to enhance the experience even more. Everyone around them may be telling them that it’s enough, but they still want to do more. The more the details involved the better.
I told my congregant that his feeling at the Seder is dependent, not only upon how he views his efforts, but also how he perceives G-d views his efforts. If he feels that he must keep every detail because if he doesn’t G-d will reject his service and he will be the wicked son at the Seder who is censured and whose teeth are dulled, the Seder will become an uncomfortable and tedious experience for him. He then can indeed wonder why he needs to expend so much effort on details. In fact, all of the details detract from his feeling of liberation from servitude.
However, if he views Seder night as a time to express his innermost feelings of love and devotion to G-d who loves Him and chose him to be part of the chosen people, he simply can’t do enough. He looks for more and more details that he could be meticulous about so that he could further demonstrate his devotion and love. Only one who is deeply emotional and passionate about someone else will worry about every petty detail.
If a young woman were to see that her new groom has worked so hard to arrange a perfect proposal with attention to every detail, but some of the details weren’t perfect, we can be sure that it will not detract from her appreciation and mutual love she feels because all of his efforts.
There is indeed an ideal manner in which to fulfill the mitzvah, but if one needs a little more time (not more than nine minutes) or cannot eat the full amount (2 k’zaysim for matzah and afikomen, one k’zayis for korech, and one k’zayis of marror) he can still fulfill the mitzvah. The feeling within his heart plays a key role.
I also vividly remember those nights when we were engaged when I was so utterly drained, and yet remained on the phone speaking with my kallah, even though we had spent the whole evening together just a few hours prior.  
The night of the Seder is a night of passion and love. It is for that reason that many have the custom to recite Shir Hashirim after the Seder has concluded. It may be the wee hours of the morning, and the matzah, marror, festive meal and four cups of wine may be at war within him, while his sleep deprived eyelids may be begging for closure, but the joy in his heart and surging emotions he feels within him can be expressed in no other manner.    

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
            Freilichen Yom Tov & Chag Kasher V’samyach
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum


720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425