“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Tazria/Rosh
Chodesh Nissan
29 Adar II 5782/April 1, 2022
Parshas HaChodesh
לזכר נשמת חו"מ נטע
יצחק בן אלכסנדר
START PRAYING
Mark Twain once quipped, “When I was a
boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old
man around. However, when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much
he had learned in just seven years.”
In a
similar vein, at my older brother’s graduation from Yeshiva Shaarei Torah, our
Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Berel Wein, told the graduates, “When you entered the
yeshiva four years ago you were shorter and smarter than me. Now you’re a
little taller and I’m a little smarter.”
One of
the vital messages that Rabbi Wein sought to convey to us - his teenage yeshiva
students - was that one isn’t as all-knowing as he thinks he is during his
adolescent years.
Rabbi
Wein would caution us to remember every word we tell our parents as sixteen
years olds, because we will hear it repeated verbatim, twenty-five years down
the pike. Rabbi Wein would also warn us that, “G-d pays back all children by
making them parents.”
One of
the challenges of parenting adolescents - aside for raging hormones and extreme
moodiness - is that it’s hard to parent people who are confident that they know
everything and feel they have surpassed their parents and teachers in life
experience and wisdom.
The
period of adolescence is by definition one of confusion. No longer a child, not
yet an adult, the teen lingers in a world of in-between. He struggles to forge
his own identity which entails breaking out of the mold of his nuclear family.
Yet, secretly, he still desperately needs the support of his family and the
knowledges that he is still accepted as part of the family.
Interestingly,
the Torah does not speak about a period called adolescence. One day a
twelve-year-old child is a katan - a minor, and a day later he turns thirteen
and becomes a bar mitzvah, a halachic adult. The bar mitzvah can complete a
minyan and is obligated in all mitzvos, no less than a ninety-year-old rabbi.
(It
should be noted that the Gemara Shabbos 89b states that one is not held
accountable in the celestial courts until he is 20 years old. However,
regarding matters of responsibility pertaining to physical life, one is
accountable when becoming bar mitzvah.)
In Alei
Shur I (p. 40) Rav Shlomo Wolbe offers a Torah perspective regarding teenage
years that should be required reading for every child coming of age. He notes
that around the beginning of adolescence, a child begins to show signs of
physical maturity. Those noticeable physical changes demonstrate that he/she is
no longer a child, physically or emotionally. As the child’s body begins to change
into that of an adult, he/she now has the physical ability to become a parent.
“It is
incumbent upon a person to realize that from the moment he has the ability to
bear children he is no longer living only for himself. The changes in his body
are preparing him to be a father of children and to bring forth the next
generation..”
Rav
Wolbe stressed that the physical changes occurring are to demonstrate to the
adolescent that he must prepare for the most noble and important task he will
have in life - that of raising the next generation.
Mishna
Berura (47:10) writes that one should constantly daven that his children study
Torah, be righteous and have noble character. He adds that one should
particularly concentrate on this at three junctures of shachris each morning:
when reciting Birchas HaTorah, when saying Ahava Rabbah (before
Shema), and in Uva L’Zion when reciting the words, “in order that we not
toil for nothing or bring forth (lit. give birth to) confusion.”
Based on
Rav Wolbe’s message that from the time one reaches adolescence, he should be
thinking about his future role as a parent, it seems proper to teach teenagers
that they should begin davening that they one day merit having children and
that those children be spiritually and physically healthy. Though it may sound
outlandish it’s quite appropriate.
The
added benefit is that it will remind the teen that the decisions he makes today
will effect him tomorrow. It will help him think twice before engaging in
certain behaviors that he would not want his future children’s parent to do. In
addition, there is never a limit to how much one can or should pray. It’s never
too early to start praying for any future need one anticipates will arise.
We all
want the best for our children and there is no greater tool we have to help
that occur than prayer.
It’s been
said that in his later years the Steipler Gaon treated that a day didn’t go by
when he didn’t daven for his son Chaim. Rav Chaim Kanievsky zt”l was already a
known and respected scholar by that time. Yet is father never stopped davening
for him. Why should we not begin davening for our progeny as early as possible
as well?
May
Hashem bless all our children that they merit healthy children and their
children after them, forever.
Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos
Chodesh Tov,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum
