Thursday, December 31, 2015

PARSHAS SHEMOS 5776



“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Shemos   
21 Teves 5776/ January 1, 2016

It was so strange. This week on Tuesday morning, those of us in the New York area, awoke to ice and snow. After a December which boasted days when it was warmer and brighter in New York than in Los Angeles, the “normal” wintery weather took us by surprise. Throughout the previous weeks we all undoubtedly appreciated the bright sunshine and over sixty-degree weather. This year the weather on Chanukah was warmer than it was last year on Pesach (not to mention last year’s snowstorm on Purim). But alas, now winter has finally caught up with us in New York!
It seems that we only appreciate things when they aren’t expected. When we feel es kumt mir, a sense of entitlement, we don’t enjoy it as much, or at all. 
Anytime I have visited a city blessed with beautiful weather during the winter, such as Miami or Los Angeles, I couldn’t get enough of the beautiful weather. I also realized that the natives didn’t appreciate what they had. 
The truth is that those of us who live in chutz la’aertz have a benefit over those who live in Eretz Yisroel, i.e. a deeper appreciation for Eretz Yisroel. Those who have it never appreciate it as much as those who wish they had it.   
This world follows a definite pattern, what we know as the circle of life. The divinely ordained trajectory is relentless and generally monotonous. It therefore behooves us and is incumbent upon us to find meaning, purpose, and direction within the natural course. 
When unusual events occur it adds drama to the commonplace routine of our lives. It’s the unexpected, the ironic components of life, that give us cause for excitement. We pray that such drama only stem from blessings and special occasions. 
This week our family is blessed to be celebrating such an experience. Our bechor, Yaakov Meir Shalom, will iy’H become a bar mitzvah on Tuesday evening, 25 Teves. It doesn’t seem so long ago that his birth transformed us from a young couple into a young family. Now thirteen quick years later he is entering the next milestone – complete obligation in Torah and mitzvos, our truest measure of adulthood. 
When such wonderful occasions occur it is an opportunity to thank Hashem and to reflect, not only on the actual celebration of the current milestone, but also upon the guidance and blessings He has endowed us with throughout the last thirteen years. 
We thank Hashem for His past blessings and pray for the future, that we have the wisdom and insight to appreciate even the mundane blessings, and to enjoy many wonderful celebrations which add meaning and direction to our entire lives. 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, December 24, 2015

PARSHAS VAYECHI 5776


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayechi   
14 Teves 5776/ December 25, 2015

Someone once quipped that their mother was always serving leftovers; they have never found the original! Everyone seems to groan when they hear that they are having leftovers for supper. Some mothers try to reason with their family “You loved it on Shabbos, so why shouldn’t you enjoy it now?” Usually those arguments are futile. The bottom line is that people don’t like to eat leftovers.
So in our house we stopped serving leftovers. It just wasn’t worth the battle. So now when our children ask on Monday ‘what’s for supper?’ the answer is “Shabbos delicacies!” True, the foods may be the same as what graced our Shabbos table, but they aren’t leftovers; now they are delicacies!
In a similar vein our children don’t have chores to do. It was too much of a battle to get them to do their chores, so we just did away with them. However, each of our children has family contributions that they are expected to take care of. After all, if they are living in our home and eating our food, it is only fair that they contribute to the family.
You may think this is all a matter of semantics, but apparently semantics are not trivial. It seems that we conceptualize concepts based on language, i.e. how we label them. As infants become older and begin to speak they begin to have a deeper understanding of the world around them.
My father is, and has always been, loathe about disposing good food. He often places bottles or cans back in the refrigerator after a meal despite the fact that they are virtually empty because there is a little left.
On one occasion during our younger years he found a little bit of cottage cheese left in a container in the fridge. He convinced an older sibling of mine (who shall remain nameless to protect his anonymity) that cottage cheese and ice cream was a rare treat, especially with chocolate syrup on top. Believe it or not my anonymous older sibling (I only have one) ate the entire thing.
It all depends on the presentation (just ask the party planners).
The titles and labels we attribute to things and their presentation define how we perceive them. That’s why it is significant when a world leader refers to terrorists by a lesser or more benign term.
A friend of mine once related that when running out to daven he never announces to his family “I have to go daven mincha!” Rather, he says “I want to go daven mincha!” It’s the same basic point but the underlying message is quite different. It implies that the responsibility of tefillah is a privilege and not a chore.
There is nothing wrong with teaching our children that they have to perform responsibilities even when they don’t want to. However, there is also something noble about helping them recognize the inherent value and personal pleasure one can enjoy when living up to his responsibilities. 
I recently heard a seasoned rebbe quip that we don’t fully appreciate the power and importance of our Shabbos tables. Just as there is considerable time and effort invested to ensure that every member of the family has physical enjoyment from the seudah, so does there need to be time and effort invested to ensure that every member of the family feels involved and uplifted at the Shabbos seudah.
 It’s all in the presentation. We want our Avodas Hashem to be fresh and exciting, because no one likes leftovers.  

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, December 17, 2015

PARSHAS VAYIGASH 5776


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayigash   
7 Teves 5776/ December 18, 2015

One morning this week one of my fellow rabbeim chided me for eating a Greek Yogurt during breakfast. He wanted to know how I could eat anything Greek during Chanukah. I continued eating my yogurt without replying. When the container was empty I turned to him and said “See, I have consumed the Greek!”  
The truth is that Greek Yogurt has nothing at all to do with Greeks, and eating Greek Yogurt is not much of a Chanukah victory. There are far better ways to ‘consume the Greeks’.
Perhaps no one personified the essence and message of Chanukah in our time more than the late Mirrer Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel zt’l. Rav Nosson Tzvi grew up as a regular American kid, attending Day School in Chicago, playing sports, and eating pizza. During a visit to Eretz Yisroel with his parents during his high school years he met his great-uncle, the then Mirrer Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Lazer Yudel Finkel zt’l. Rav Lazer Yudel prevailed upon him to stay in the yeshiva, and Rav Nosson Tzvi agreed. It was a decision he deemed “the greatest siyata deshmaya (divine assistance) of my life”. He joined the yeshiva and lived in his great uncle’s home.
After returning to America to complete high school Rav Nosson Tzvi came back to the Mir and lived in the yeshiva dormitory. Some time later he came back to America for a brief visit. Upon his subsequent return to Yerushalayim, Rav Lazer Yudel asked him to sleep in his home that first night. By the time Rav Nosson Tzvi arrived Rav Lazer Yudel was already sleeping and Rav Nosson Tzvi went to bed in his great uncle’s home. When Rav Nosson Tzvi awoke the next morning he saw Rav Lazer Yudel standing by his bed waiting for him to awaken. As soon as he opened his eyes, Rav Lazer Yudel kissed him on his forehead.
Rav Nosson Tzvi recounted that Rav Lazer Yudel’s kiss remained with him his entire life.
Rav Nosson Tzvi himself grew into one of our generation’s foremost Torah leaders. Had he been healthy, he would have been a leader and role model for his incredible love of Torah, love of Jews, sterling character, and radiant personality. But the fact that he suffered terribly from Parkinson’s disease, and yet accomplished more than most healthy people is staggering and incredible. He was moser nefesh for Torah, for the honor of Heaven, and for his people. It was to defend those very ideals that the Maccabees placed their lives on the line.
Contrary to popular understanding, the Maccabees never achieved complete victory over their enemies. Shortly after the Chanukah miracle they returned to battle. In fact, four of the original five Maccabees were killed in subsequent battles, and the fifth, Shimon, was murdered by his son-in-law.
The period after the Chanukah miracle was similar to the period preceding it – dark and difficult. Rav Shimshon Pinkus zt’l explained that the Chanukah miracle was a symbolic kiss that G-d planted on the collective forehead of the Jews who remained loyal to Torah. It was a passionate sign that G-d was behind them and guiding them, that he was aware of their selfless efforts and desire to defend the honor of G-d.  
The kiss was fleeting. Eight days is a mere blip in comparison to years of struggle and bloody battles. But that kiss gave them the encouragement to forge on and maintain their quest. It was enough to allow them to feel that G-d was with them even behind the veil of darkness and pain.
The holiday of Chanukah each year is a celebration and a re-experiencing of that kiss. That emotional connection must stay with us throughout the dark and cold moments of life. Its light must radiate well beyond the wicks and the oil. It’s a fire that must burn within us and guide us throughout our lives.
And that’s how we consume the Greeks!

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
R’ Dani and Chani Staum       


720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Friday, December 11, 2015

PARSHAS MIKETZ – CHANUKAH 5776



“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Miketz – Rosh Chodesh Teves
6 Chanukah   
29 Kiselv 5776/ December 11, 2015

I wear various hats, albeit not at once.
A few weeks ago, they all merged, although thankfully they did not collide. After Shabbos when I wear my “Rabbi hat” (it’s one of the oldest tricks – to pull a rabbi out of our black hats), on Motzei Shabbos I attended an Ashar melave malkah [I am fifth grade Rebbe and Guidance Counselor at Ashar, a Modern Orthodox school not far from our home]. On Sunday afternoon I headed up to New Windsor, where I serve as Principal in Mesivta Ohr Naftali, for Parent-Teacher Conferences. From there I headed to the Camp Dora Golding reunion in Lawrence, NY
In regards to each one of my positions I have different responsibilities and roles to fill. It was interesting to go from rabbi mode, to rebbe/therapist mode, to principal mode, to camp mode – all within 48 hours. Oh, and then I came home and tried to play father/husband role, which is the most important of all.
It reminded me of a classic anecdote that former Vice President Al Gore related about former Senator Bill Bradley at a ‘roast’ in Bradley’s honor.
Senator Bradley once attended a dinner at which he was the featured speaker. Prior to Bradley’s address, the waiter set down a side dish of potatoes, and placed a pat of butter upon them. The Senator asked for an extra portion of butter. The waiter apologized and replied that he was instructed to only to give one pat of butter per guest.
Senator Bradley stared at the waiter and said: “I don’t believe you are aware who I am. I am a Rhodes Scholar and a former NBA star with the New York Knicks. I currently serve on the International Trade and Long-Term Growth Committee, and the Debt and Deficit Reduction Committee, and I am in charge of Taxation and IRS Oversight. This whole dinner is in my honor. And I’d like another pat of butter on my potatoes."
The waiter looked back at the Senator and replied, “Sir, do you know who I am?" Without waiting for a reply he continued, "I am the one in charge of the butter, and it’s only one pat of butter per guest!"
The bottom line it doesn’t matter as much how many hats we wear, as much as how well we wear each hat. We are all responsible to ‘provide the butter’ in regards to every one of our responsibilities.
At times a Torah Jew can feel like he has a dual identity, or even multiple identities. He may feel like one person when he’s in shul and like a different person when he enters his office.
The truth is that we have one underlying and overriding responsibility – and that is to sanctify G-d’s Name in whatever we do. True, the manner in which one sanctifies G-d’s Name is different in shul than it is in the office, but the goal remains the same.
The Maccabes risked their lives so that they, and we, can have the right and ability to live our lives serving G-d as our ancestors did. 
 In that sense, we only have one hat to wear. It may have different colors and at times it may have different logos and insignias. But no matter where we are and who is with us, the hat remains basically the same – the hat of Kiddush shem shomayim.
 
A Lichtige Chanukah & Chag Urim Sameiach
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
Good Chodesh,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425

Thursday, December 3, 2015

PARSHAS VAYESHEV 5776


“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayeshev  
22 Kiselv 5776/ December 4, 2015

I am blessed to be close with many great Torah scholars who I consider personal rabbeim and/or mentors. One of those individuals is a respected educator who inspires his students in his uniquely skillful and devoted manner. He also has the distinction of being known as a person who pulls no punches; he says it like it is. He often quips (only half in jest) “quote me and ill deny it” before relating something insightful that many others wouldn’t have the courage to admit.
On one occasion this rebbe was interviewing for a position in a prestigious elementary school. When he walked into the room for the meeting, the three heads of the school were sitting together in awkward silence. It was clear that they had just been discussing something that was a point of contention between them.
When this rebbe walked in, one of the three remarked “why don’t we ask this rebbe what he thinks?” Without waiting for a reply from his colleagues, he asked the interviewee, “Why do you think our older students are not so interested in learning chumash? What can we do to change that?” Without batting an eyelash my rebbe replied that the problem lies in the source. “You know that you’re rabbeim are probably far more interested in teaching gemara than they are in teaching chumash. The students undoubtedly pick up on that lack of enthusiasm.”
My rebbe told me that the one who asked the question seemed satisfied with the answer, but the other two stared at him in cold silence. He never received a follow-up call from that yeshiva. But when he related the story to me he concluded with a twinkle in his eye “You know that’s the real truth - even though no one wants to admit it!”
Just prior to my beginning to teach fifth grade at Ashar a few years ago, my cousin, Rabbi Shragi Gold, a seasoned and experienced rebbe, and a colleague from Yeshiva Bais Hachinuch, offered me an invaluable piece of advice: “In whatever you are teaching, even if it’s the aleph bais, always seek to find chiddush (novelty). Find questions and seek answers that you never thought of before. In that way your teaching will never become stale or dry, no matter how many times you teach it.”
I think about his words constantly, and it is amazing to me how every year when teaching the same pesukim in Chumash Shemos, I, and my students, discover new perspectives, questions, and answers that I never realized before.
The key to education lies in the level of excitement in which it is conveyed. Inspiration requires emotion!
The word “hachanah” (preparation) contains the word “kayn” (just so). When Aharon lit the menorah in the Mishkan the Torah states, “Vaya’as kayn Aharon – And Aharon did so”. In order for something to be performed “just so” - the way it is ideally meant to be, there must be preparation and forethought.
In our home, my Menorahs has already been removed from the breakfront, adorning a table by the window, awaiting the excitement of next week. True, the Menorah may become somewhat tarnished, but the build up of excitement it generates is well-worth it.
Chanukah presents, Chanukah gelt, latkes, donuts, and family get-togethers, are only meant to enhance the true joy we feel in fulfilling the unique mitzvos and essence of this special holiday. Chanukah is about lighting the menorah and expressing our gratitude to G-d for the opportunity to be members of His great nation. The more excitement we generate now, the greater will be our celebration in its fulfillment! 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum  

720 Union Road • New Hempstead, NY 10977 • (845) 362-2425