“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Ki Setzei
10 Elul 5784/ September 13, 2024
Pirkei Avos – Perek 2
Lovingly dedicated in memory of my Uncle R’ Shmuel Kohn, Shmuel Chaim
ben Rav Yaakov Meir, who was niftar suddenly this week.
When we spoke, Uncle Shmuel would often comment to me about how much he
enjoyed these articles.
YES WE CAN
I’m sure it’s the same in many homes.
The last few days before the school year begins, our children are abuzz
gathering school supplies. Our kitchen table and floor is littered with
highlighters, crayons, markers, notebooks, binders, sticky notes, hole punchers,
glue, tape, staplers and staples, paper reinforcements, looseleafs and
looseleaf paper - standard and college (kollel) ruled, subject dividers,
whiteout, rulers, compasses, and many other things that we will probably never
see again after the first week. But it adds excitement of going back to school
and that’s a good thing.
Almost all young children are excited
to go back to school. Almost every child goes to school with determination and
optimism that he/she will be successful this year and make his/her parents
proud.
As the years go by, however, many
children become more skeptical of their abilities. Based on their past
struggles, they lose confidence and simultaneously excitement for school
dissipates.
Many adults have a similar feeling
during the month of Elul. “I’ve tried to change so many times, but I keep
coming up short. Even the improvements I have made in my life are a drop in the
bucket compared to how much work I still need to do to become a half decent
person. So, what’s the use of even trying?”
I recently heard a lecture from Rabbi
Daniel Kalish, beloved menahel of the Waterbury (Durham) Yeshiva, in which he
poignantly expressed a point that I have long felt.
Rabbi Kalish noted that he detests
when people have a defeatist attitude.
Paraphrased from his words:
“When I play sports, I give it my all.
I can’t stand it when a guy gets on the court, looks at the other team and
declares that his team has no chance.
Get your team, rally the troops and
bring it. I'm very competitive and I hate it when people have a defeatist
attitude. That's how Hashem made me. I'm a fighter and I'm a
competitor.
“Don’t tell me you don’t have a
chance. This is your team. Dig deep and play hard; fight like a tiger.
“You win, you lose, who cares? I don't
mind losing. But the defeatist mentality bothers me.”
Rabbi Kalish compared this idea to an
approach often espoused when it comes to spiritual matters, particularly
regarding our observance of Tisha b’Av and Elul/teshuvah. People often
nostalgically wax poetic about the days of old when people knew how to cry on
Tisha b’Av and feel fear of G-d during Elul. They talk about a time when the
fish in the sea trembled when the month of Elul was ushered in. Then they add
how today our efforts are woefully ineffective and pitifully minuscule and
inconsequential compared to generations past.
“It is dumb to say about Teshuvah that
we have no connection. That is stupid. That's treif.
“In the Kinnus of Tisha b’Av we refer
to a terribly tragic story when the Jews murdered, Zechariah, a kohain and Navi
in the Beis Hamikdash. They killed him because they didn’t want to hear his
message.
“Well, when you say we have no connection to Tisha
B'Av, you're a murderer of the Navi.
“I promise you, that’s exactly what it
is.
“We have a spiritual force inside us
that energizes us to want to connect to the day and grow from it. But then
we’re told that our observance of Tisha b’Av is pitiful, it kills our momentum.
The Navi comes to connect us to the word of Hashem. When one extinguishes that
fire he’s destroying that effort. Saying that our Elul and Tisha b’Av aren’t
good enough is analogous to killing the Navi.
“I'm not saying that we experience it
in the full ways we should. But we are trying.
“People like to preach on Tisha b’Av
that we cry because we don't know what to cry about. Sometimes it’s said almost
smugly as if sticking it to us.
“I say to those people - Stop it! Sit
down! What are you doing? What are you trying to accomplish?
“I say kinnos for the
person who tells everyone else they cry because they don’t know what to cry
about!
“You’ll tell me the Sfas Emes says
it. But the Sfas Emes didn't have a defeatist mentality. He
didn’t mean it the way people say it today. He never meant to convey a feeling
of we have no chance at really experiencing Tisha b’Av so let's all just wing
it.
“Tisha B'Av is a force that you could plug into. There's a Moed called Tisha
B'Av.
“Stop with the defeatist attitude!
It's not a good thing. It's bad middos.
“Don’t say we can’t play because we
don’t have a shot at winning. That's not how healthy people live life.
“Whatever you’re doing, do it with all
your energy and effort. Live that on the court. Live that in the way you
interact with your wife and children. Live that way on Tisha B'Av and
in Elul. It may sometimes be hard. That’s fine. But never allow yourself to
have a defeatist attitude.”
Noted inspirational speaker Zig Ziglar
quipped that, “Ultimately, your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine
your altitude.” This is undoubtedly true in spiritual matters as well. We have
to believe that our efforts are invaluable in heaven (and there are enough
sources to corroborate that idea). First and foremost is the fact that the most
prominent hint of Elul is that the very word Elul is an acronym for “Ani
l’dodi v’dodi li - I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me.”
I don’t know of a greater expression
of love. Elul must be viewed as a time of love, and that engaging in teshuvah
is a meaningful endeavor treasured in heaven. That positive attitude is the
starting point from which all else flows.
Shabbat Shalom
& Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and
Chani Staum