“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Ki Savo
15 Elul 5783/September 1, 2023
BEYOND SECURITY
Last Sunday, our family went to Newark airport to see off our oldest
child, our son Shalom, as he returns to learn in Yerushalayim. It’s the third
year in a row that we have done so. Two days later, on Tuesday afternoon, we
went back to Newark Airport to accompany our oldest daughter Aviva as she
headed off to seminary.
This is the first time that we have sent two children to Eretz Yisroel
for the year at the same time. A friend quipped that it must be so quiet in our
home. That’s definitely not the case. We b”H have other children to compensate
and then some.
The experience of accompanying a child to the airport before he/she leave
for the year, evokes strong emotions. It also helped frame my role as a parent
generally.
Throughout the last year, we discussed, contemplated, and explored
options regarding which seminary would be best for Aviva. Over the course of
the summer, we (“we” means my wife. I basically just tried to stay out of the
way….) worked hard to ensure that Aviva had all she needs and feels prepared
for the trip and the year abroad.
On the day of her flight, we loaded her luggage into the car and set off.
When we arrived at the airport, we helped her bring her luggage inside. We
waited on line with her until her luggage was checked in and then walked her to
the beginning of the line for security check. Standing at the entrance of the
security line was a TSA agent who only allowed the travelers to proceed. It was
time to say goodbye.
As can be imagined, it was an emotional farewell. We watched Aviva
proceed with anxious confidence, until she was out of view.
As I reflected on that experience afterwards, it dawned on me that it is
a microcosmic analogy for parenting generally. During our children’s formative
years, we invest incredible amounts of time, thought and energy into trying to
direct our children along the proper path of life. There is a great deal of
frustration along the way as we juggle available resources while trying to
properly steer each child upon the path best suited for his growth.
Education is not merely about compliance. It’s more about helping our
children develop their inner strengths and learn to deal with their
deficiencies and challenges. The goal is that our children should one day be
equipped to “go out into the world” with confidence. We want them to overcome
the inevitable hurdles and vicissitudes that life presents along the way.
There’s comes a point, or different points in different ways, in which we
parents are no longer able to proceed with our children. We can only stand back
and watch them proceed on their own. At that point we can only hope we have
helped them pack their luggage well and ensure that they have all the necessary
documentation and paperwork to be successful.
On Friday night it is customary to recite the pesukim beginning with the
words “v’shamru B’nei Yisroel” just prior to Shemoneh Esrei. The
final word of those pesukim is “vayinafash - and He rested”.
The Gemara (Beitzah 16a) states that the word ‘vayinafash’ is
a conglomerate of the words “vai avdah nefesh – woe, the soul has
been lost.” It is a reference to the loss of the neshamah yesairah - the
“added soul” that we are blessed with on Shabbos.
The Ba'al Shem Tov asks why we allude to the loss of the neshamah
yesirah on Friday evening, moments after we merited its arrival with
the advent of Shabbos?
He answers that if we
are aware when Shabbos arrives that the neshamah yesirah, is only a
temporary gift, we will make a special effort to embrace it and take advantage
of it throughout the holy day. We declare from the outset that the gift is
temporary so we can utilize it properly.
In a similar vein, wise parents recognize that the mandate, challenge and
opportunity to be mechanech their children don’t last forever. Surely
the role of a parent is always invaluable, but the role changes with time. If
we are aware from the outset that there is a time limit to our mission, it
helps us maintain the sense of vision and direction that we so easily became
distracted from.
Our prayer, and the prayer of every parent, is that our children be able
to eventually leave the secure confines of our home, knowing that we helped
them pack their proverbial bags for the journey ahead.
Shabbat Shalom
& Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and
Chani Staum
