“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos
Kodesh parshas Chayei Sarah
24 MarCheshvan
5783/November 18, 2022
Mevorchim
Chodesh Kislev
BACK ISSUES
There is
something special about sitting on the lap of a grandparent. It’s even more
special when that grandparent begins to rub or scratch your back.
I have
nostalgic memories sitting on my Bubby’s lap at many a Shabbos seudah while she
warmly scratched my back. It would continue until she blurted out, “Alright, my
back is hurting!” The key was to try to make sure she was engaged in
conversation and was distracted to get a longer back-scratching session.
Even when I
was too old to sit on her lap, I would nonchalantly sit next to her, hoping
that she would pick up on the hint. The real challenge was when another sibling
sat on her other side for the same reason.
One summer
when I was working in a camp office, one of the heads of the camp walked into
the office and began rubbing his back against the protruding corner of the wall
in the office. When I laughed at the unusual scene, he explained that it was
obvious that it might have made more sense to make it more circular. He felt
that the only plausible reason why it was constructed as a corner was to give
people a way to scratch the itch on their back.
There does
seem to be some logic to his assertion. After all, when someone has an itch
anywhere on his body, he can easily scratch it to relieve the discomfort. But
when a person has an itch on his back, it can be maddening trying to relive the
itch, especially when it’s just out of reach.
One of the
greatest gifts I ever received was a cheap flat wooden stick with bent finger
like protrusions at the end. That little backscratcher is one of the greatest
inventions ever created. Modern technology at its best!
There is a
famous expression, “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” I once read
that the origin of the expression is from the English Navy during the 17th
Century. At the time soldiers who were absent, drunk, or disobedient were tied
to the ship’s mast and flogged with lashes by a fellow crew member. Crew
members struck deals between themselves that they would deliver only light
lashes with the whip (i.e., just "scratching" the offender's back) to
ensure they were treated the same if they were on the receiving end at some
future time.
Generally, it
is understood to mean if you help me, I’ll help you. There are those who feel
that this is the idea of friendship - you help me, and I help you.
In megillas
Esther when king Achashveirosh cannot fall asleep, he asks that he be read to
from his book of chronicles. He assumed that someone must have done him a favor
that he didn’t repay and therefore no one wanted to help him. In other words,
someone had scratched his back and he hadn’t reciprocated. When he found out
that indeed Mordechai had saved his life and he hadn’t done anything in return,
he immediately instructed Haman to rectify the situation.
Although that
may be common courtesy, it’s a far cry from true friendship.
The Jewish
people are instructed to not only perform acts of chesed, but to love chesed
(Michah 6:8).
Perhaps part
of the reason why we are unable to properly scratch our own backs is so that we
can help someone else. Loving chesed entails that we don’t scratch someone
else’s back solely so that he will scratch our back too. Rather, we do so
because it’s an opportunity to help another feel more comfortable. Everyone
needs someone else to comfortably scratch their back.
On a
metaphoric level, every Jew should feel an itch in his back. One’s back
symbolizes his history. That itch that reminds him that he descends from
greatness and has a mission to continue the legacy of his people. That is an
itch that should never cease to be felt, because it energizes us to stay the
course of our scared mission throughout the millennia.
My rebbe,
Rabbi Berel Wein, often quotes the gemara (Eiruvin 13b) that Rabbeinu Hakadosh was once asked how
he became the great Rav Yehuda Hanassi? His terse response was, “I once saw
Rabbi Meir from the back”.
Rabbi
Meir was a talmid of Rabbi Akiva, Rabbi Akiva was a talmid of Rabbi Elazar ben
Hurkanus and Rabbi Yehoshua, who themselves were talmidim of Rav Yochanan ben
Zakkai. Rav Yochanan ben Zakkai had seen Hillel. Rabbeinu Hakadosh felt his
greatness was the result of having seen Rabbi Meir and thereby having a minimal
connection to previous generations. Rabbeinu Hakadosh then added, “And if I
would have seen him from the front, I would have been even sharper.”
This week, on
27 Cheshvan, my family marks the yahrtzeit of my beloved Zaydei, Rabbi Yaakov
Meir Kohn. Although my Bubby was the best physical back scratcher, I learned
from all my grandparents to feel the metaphoric itch in my back that reminds me
to look back and recognize the greatness I descend from. Now, my task is to
“pay it forward” to try to help my progeny recognize the greatness behind them
so that they can continue to pass it on as well.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum