“RABBI’S MUSINGS (&
AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Chukas
9 Tamuz 5782/July 8, 2022
Avos perek 5
לזכר נשמת חו"מ נטע
יצחק בן אלכסנדר
FRONT & CENTER
I was the principal of Yeshiva Ohr Naftali in New Windsor
NY for six years. This year I returned to seeing clients in private practice
and left my position as principal
DON’T JUDGE
So, I did it again. I forgot to put on sunscreen on the
first day of camp.
Opening day of the camping season last week here in Camp
Dora Golding, was a picture-perfect day. It wasn’t too hot and there was a
pleasant breeze under bright and sunny skies. Being that it wasn’t too hot I
forgot that it was still prudent to put on sunscreen.
I spent the day driving around camp, helping campers
locate and move their luggage into their bunkhouses. When the day was done my
forehead was a bit sunburned, but my arms were bright red, totally sunburned.
For the next couple of days, I couldn’t stop thinking
about forgetting the sunscreen even if I wanted to, because my burning arms
were constant reminders.
Since last week I have never forgotten to wear sunscreen
on the first day of camp.
Although I put on tefillin the next morning along with
everyone else in shul, no one else realized that it was harder for me that
morning. Wrapping tefillin on my sunburned arm was painful.
It’s societally acceptable for someone to pat a friend on
the back as an expression of conviviality and friendship. Sometimes it can
happen that a person does so, and the recipient unexpectedly reacts angrily. “What’s
your problem? Why did you hit me?” The friend might likely think the
recipient needs emotional help. That’s because he has no way of knowing that
the recipient has a blister or sunburn on his back and the relatively light tap
actually caused him a great deal of stinging pain.
The Mishna (Avos 2:5) says “Don’t judge your friend until
you reach his place.” In other words, don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a
mile in his shoes. Sfas Emes notes that it is essentially impossible to ever
“reach his place” because even if one is in the exact same physical situation
as another, he has vastly different life experiences, personality traits, and
proclivities. The Sfas Emes is essentially saying that no one can ever fully be
in someone else’s shoes and, therefore, no one can ever truly judge someone
else.
In his landmark book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People, Steven Covey relates that he was on the subway in New York City one
Sunday morning. It was a calm, peaceful scene with most people reading the
paper or dozing.
Then, suddenly, a man entered the subway car with his
children. The children were loud and rambunctious, and the serenity of a moment
earlier was quickly lost. The man sat down next to Covey and closed his eyes,
apparently oblivious to the situation.
Covey relates that he couldn’t help but feel irritated.
How could the man be so insensitive and oblivious to the ruckus his kids were
making?
After a few minutes, with tremendous patience and
restraint, Covey noted to the man that people were disturbed by the noise his
children were making and it would be appreciated if he could control them
somewhat.
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to consciousness of
the situation for the first time. He said softly, "Oh, you're right. I
guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where
their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess
they don't know how to handle it either…"
Covey concludes his story, “Can you imagine what I felt
at that moment?”
The challenge of life is that we don’t know anything
about the trials, sorrows and temptations of those around us. We don’t know of
the pillows wet with tears, of tragedies masked by superficial smiles, or
secret worries and struggles others contend with daily.
We have no idea of the sunburns others have that cause
them to be overly sensitive to the slightest provocations.
In Avos (1:4) it also says, “One should judge the entire
person favorably.” It doesn’t say that one should judge every person favorably.
Rather it says that one should judge the entirety of the person favorably.
Before one judges another, he first has to know “the whole person”, including
their background, inner psyche, and all surrounding events. And no one can know
everything about another’s life.
The moral of the story is to wear sunscreen and not be
too quick to judge others.
Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum