“RABBI’S MUSINGS (&
AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh
Parshas Vayigash
6 Teves 5779/December 14,
2018
Gedolei Yisroel often lament that people who request that
they daven on their behalf in a challenging situation, never share good news
with them when they merit salvation.
Two and a half years ago, when Chani was expecting our twins, there were some serious complications, due to a condition they had called TTTS (Twin to Twin Syndrome). At one point, our doctor in Columbia Hospital, suggested that Chani undergo a “treatment” to alleviate the danger of their condition. However, the doctor cautioned us that the treatment contained risks, including that it might not remedy the situation. He then told us that we had to decide if we wanted to proceed with it or not.
Two and a half years ago, when Chani was expecting our twins, there were some serious complications, due to a condition they had called TTTS (Twin to Twin Syndrome). At one point, our doctor in Columbia Hospital, suggested that Chani undergo a “treatment” to alleviate the danger of their condition. However, the doctor cautioned us that the treatment contained risks, including that it might not remedy the situation. He then told us that we had to decide if we wanted to proceed with it or not.
The doctor led us to a conference room and told us we had 15
minutes to decide. It was of the most frightening moments of our lives. We had
to make a decision that would impact the lives of our unborn twins within
fifteen minutes. How in the world were we to know what to do?
I immediately called our rebbe, Rabbi Chaim Schabes, who has always been there for us. But as it was the morning, he was saying shiur and his phone was off.
I immediately called our rebbe, Rabbi Chaim Schabes, who has always been there for us. But as it was the morning, he was saying shiur and his phone was off.
I made a few phone calls and got the number of a respected
Rosh Yeshiva to seek his advice. The Rosh Yeshiva’s secretary took down the
information and conveyed it to the Rosh Yeshiva while I was holding on the
line. A few minutes later she returned and replied that the Rosh Yeshiva wrote
down Chani’s name and would daven for her, he wasn’t familiar enough with the
condition or the procedure to offer any guidance.
We grew more desperate as the clock continued ticking. I then
remembered that I had the number of Rabbi Dovid Cohen, a renown Gadol and
halachic Posek from Flatbush.
When I called his home, his wife answered and informed me
that the Rav was unavailable at that time. When I told her it was an urgent
life and death matter she immediately put him on the phone.
Rabbi Cohen doesn’t know me at all. He is also extremely busy
and spends hours each night fielding complicated halachic questions and giving
advice and guidance. Yet he listened patiently to all the details and asked
questions for clarity. When he had all the information, he replied that he
doesn’t know much about the condition, but he felt that if the doctor feels we
should proceed with the treatment, that’s what we should do.
We thanked him profusely for his time and caring ear. A
minute after I hung up, Rabbi Schabes called back. When I informed him about
what was happening, and about Rabbi Cohen’s suggestion, he concurred and urged
us to proceed.
I told Chani then that no matter what would happen, we could
never blame ourselves. We had sought the doctor’s advice and that of da’as
Torah, and there was nothing more we could do. Now it was in the Hands of
Hashem.
Baruch HaShem, the treatment was a success. However, for the
duration of the pregnancy there were numerous concerns and tremendous anxiety.
When the babies were born healthy on Friday afternoon,
September 9, 2017, it was a tremendous Simcha. I rushed home from the hospital
shortly after the birth to be with the rest of our family for Shabbos and to
host the shalom zachor. My mother-in-law graciously remained in the hospital
with Chani on Shabbos.
On Motzei Shabbos, I returned to the hospital, and for the
first time enjoyed holding the twins and allowing the realization of the
incredible blessings we were granted to sink in.
While holding one of the twins I decided to call Rabbi Dovid Cohen to thank him for his time and guidance a few months earlier. When the Rebbitzin answered and I told her why I was calling she was so appreciative. After blessing the newborns and our family, she gave the phone to her husband. Rabbi Cohen admitted that he did not recall the conversation, but he too was deeply appreciative of my phone-call and shared his excitement for us as well as his blessing.
While holding one of the twins I decided to call Rabbi Dovid Cohen to thank him for his time and guidance a few months earlier. When the Rebbitzin answered and I told her why I was calling she was so appreciative. After blessing the newborns and our family, she gave the phone to her husband. Rabbi Cohen admitted that he did not recall the conversation, but he too was deeply appreciative of my phone-call and shared his excitement for us as well as his blessing.
I have to say that it was a great feeling for me that I was
able to share the good news and to convey to Rabbi and Rebbitzin Cohen their
part in it.
If gratitude is so important and healthy for our emotional
well-being, why is it so hard to express gratitude?
By nature, we are mostly reactive to life and the things that
transpire. We are born selfish beings, with an innate sense of entitlement. To
be grateful requires reflection and thought. One needs to be somewhat proactive
to be thankful, and to express those feelings with those to whom he is thankful.
Life moves so quickly, and we get bogged down by daily
responsibilities. If one wants to live beyond self, it entails time for
reflection, a commodity that is rare in today’s day and age.
Another challenge to gratitude is that we tend to take things for granted, especially of the people who matter the most to us and are closest to us.
Another challenge to gratitude is that we tend to take things for granted, especially of the people who matter the most to us and are closest to us.
Former President George Bush, who just died last week, had a
beautiful habit of leaving notes of gratitude wherever he went.
On one occasion he used a classroom in a school in Rochester
as a temporary makeshift office. When the teacher returned to her classroom
after the president left, she found a personal handwritten thank-you note
written in chalk on her chalkboard from President Bush. The school kept that
board with the message on it when they switched to whiteboards a few years ago.
Little thank-you notes left conspicuously are a wonderful way to express gratitude for things/people we often take for granted.
Little thank-you notes left conspicuously are a wonderful way to express gratitude for things/people we often take for granted.
We are the greatest beneficiaries of being grateful, but to
do so we must resist our nature to be self-absorbed and to have a sense of
entitlement.
It begins by recognizing and appreciating the gifts of life!
Good Shabbos & Shabbat Shalom,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum