“RABBI’S
MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Lech Lecha
7 Cheshvan 5775/ October 31, 2014
A number of years ago
before we moved into our current home, we were looking at homes that were for
sale. Hanging in the bedroom of one the homes was a poem entitled “Tell Her
So”. It read:
Amid the cares of
married life, In spite of toil and business strife, If you value your sweet
wife,
Tell her so!
Don't act as if she's
passed her prime, As though to please her were a crime- If e'er you loved her,
now's the time;
Tell her so!
You are hers and hers
alone: Well you know she's all your own; Don't wait to carve it on the stone
Tell her so!
Never let her heart
grow cold; Richer beauties will unfold, She is worth her weight in gold;
Tell her so!
After seeing it I
concluded that either the man of the house had hung it up as a reminder to
himself in which case he probably had a wonderful marriage, or the woman of the
house had hung it up because their marriage needed some serious help!
I once heard a lecturing
Rabbi suggest – somewhat surprisingly – that he felt men should not buy their
wives flowers every Shabbos. He reasoned that doing so makes the flowers become
a trite habit that loses its meaning. A flower with a card that reads “Thanks
for everything” each week, will no longer be appreciated as a special gesture,
but rather as something expected. He felt that flowers should be saved for
special occasions – or emergency situations (at a local florist, one of the
little cards at the counter has a picture of a man coming out of a dog house…).
His point is
unquestionably debatable. However, it is definitely true that when something
becomes ritualized it loses much of its inherent meaning and depth. On the
other hand, a friend of mine related that he buys flowers for his wife almost every
Erev Shabbos, but he includes a card in which he thanks her for something
specific each week.
I once read about a
great man who davened Shemoneh Esrei for an extended period of time three times
each day. When he was asked why it takes him so long, he replied that when he
recites Modim (the thanksgiving prayer) he thinks about the long list of things
for which he is grateful to G-d. He hardly has enough time to say just a few of
them.
Rav Avigdor Miller zt’l
suggests that every person think about one unique thing for which he/she is
thankful for every time Modim is recited.
Our relationship with
G-d is metaphorically compared to a marriage. Although G-d does not need our
thanks, the more we recognize and express our gratitude to Him the more
thankful we will be generally, and the more people will want to be around us.
Shabbat Shalom &
Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani
Staum