Parshas Emor 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Emor

9 Iyar 5784/ May 17, 2024 – 19^th day of the Omer

Pirkei Avos – Perek 3

BECAUSE YOU CAN

Sometime during the winter of 2018, I was perusing new titles in one of the local Monsey seforim stores, and noticed a new English Sefer titled, Mind over Man. It contained a collection of lectures from Rabbi Yechiel Perr, a prominent Rosh Yeshiva in Far Rockaway, based on Sefer Madreigos Ha’adam of the Alter of Norvadok.

I had always felt somewhat intimidated by the approach of the Norvadok yeshiva, founded by the Alter of Norvadok. I knew that they heavily stressed shiflus ha’adam - the lowliness of human beings. That was in contrast to the famed Solobodka yeshiva where gadlus ha’adam - the greatness of man, was emphasized. The reality is that I didn’t really understand the Norvadok approach but because of that the new Sefer didn’t appeal to me.

A few weeks later, I and my daughter Aviva enjoyed a wonderful Shabbos in Las Vegas, at the home of our friends, Rabbi and Mrs Menachem Moskowitz. While there, I noticed the new book, Mind over Man, on Rabbi Moskowitz’s shelf, and I pulled it out and began reading it. What I read intrigued me and when I returned home, I purchased the Sefer.

I subsequently learned the entire Sefer and loved it. It became and remains one of my favorite mussar works I have ever learned. When the sequel, Faith over Fear, was published, I purchased it immediately. It was just as wonderful as the first.

Rav Perr presents his thoughts with unusual candidness and clarity. He unabashedly speaks his mind, even when it challenges societal norms. His thoughts are refreshingly genuine, insightful, and challenge the reader to grow.

A few years ago, I tracked down Rabbi Perr’s phone number and called him. I was excited when he answered. After briefly introducing myself, I expressed my gratitude to him for his seforim and all that I had learned from him. His humble reply was all the proof I needed (and I didn’t need proof) that he embodied his teaching: “I don’t know what I did to deserve such a phone call. But I very much appreciate the call.”

 

In the introduction to Mind over Man, Rabbi Perr offers a unique perspective on what mussar is and why it is so important: “I have only one word to describe what mussar means to me: hope. When a person reflects on his flaws, he can grow despondent. He becomes frightened by the natural blackness of his soul, realizing that the simple passage of time will not cleanse it. And time is passing. The days of his life are whizzing by, and the bad middos that accompanied him from his mother's womb are still with him. Once in a while, he works up the courage to ask himself the tough questions: "What am I going to become as a person? The years are passing; when will I ever become a mentsch?" The answer is: hope. Mussar gives me hope that I am not simply shackled to my character flaws; I can improve myself.

“Hope is key. What is life without hope? When people lose hope, they essentially stop living. They stop eating or caring; their life is not worth living. But mussar is a source of tremendous hope.”

While I didn’t have the zechus to know Rav Perr personally, I feel that he personally influenced me through his seforim. The positive spin on mussar being a potentially elevating force in one’s life, and granting him hope, is a beautiful perspective.

 

In an article he wrote about his rebbe, Rabbi Aharon Kotler at”l, Rav Perr related that one day when he was one of 70 bochurim learning in Beis Medrash Govoha in Lakewood, the Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Aharon, summoned him to the office. When he arrived, Rav Aharon informed him that he was sending Rav Perr to St Louis for two weeks to fundraise for the yeshiva. Rav Perr was quite upset, not understanding why he was chosen to undertake such an uncomfortable mission. When Rav Aharon called him back in a few days later to give him a list of homes he was to visit in St. Louis, Rav Perr built up the courage to ask Rav Aharon why he was responsible to go?

Rav Perr relates: “The Rosh Yeshiva paused an instant, gave me a piercing look, and then said in a tone that showed that he referred to far more than this matter: "Do you know why you are responsible? Because you can! That is why you are responsible."

Rav Perr concluded that the poignant message Rav Aharon conveyed was one that Rav Aharon lived by. He was constantly pushing himself to do more for Klal Yisroel. It was clear that he felt that as long as he could, he had a responsibility to do.

 

Last week Rav Yechiel Perr passed away at the age of 89. Judging from the little I know about Rav Perr from his lectures and the eulogies said about him, it’s quite clear that he internalized Rav Aharon’s message and incorporated them into his own life as well.

He prioritized the mind over the base aspects of man, and somehow remained humble in the process.

He did because he could!

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com

Parshas Kedoshim 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Kedoshim

2 Iyar 5784/ May 10, 2024 – 17^th day of the Omer

Pirkei Avos – Perek 2

EVERY DROP

It’s a classic and beloved story. A forty-year-old shepherd viewed himself as a complete failure. Completely ignorant of Torah knowledge, Akiva didn’t even know how to read the aleph-beis and practically despaired of ever being able to learn Torah.

But then one day while walking, Akiva noticed a steady drip of water upon a rock. It was only a drip, but it was persistent and relentless. Akiva also observed that the steady drip had made a hole in the rock. He then concluded that if something as agile as water could carve a hole in solid rock with persistence and patience, if he had that same persistence and patience, the words of Torah – which are hard as iron – could eventually make an indelible impression upon his heart. He began to learn and eventually became the great Rabbi Akiva, one of our greatest leaders and key links in the transmission of Torah (Avos d’Rabbi Nosson 6:2).

I have often thought that in our society, if it was anyone other than Rabbi Akiva, such a story is highly unlikely to occur. Who has time or patience to pay attention to a drip on a rock? Who has time to ponder the wonders of nature at all? We are too busy ensuring our apps and social media posts are up to date to notice the world out there.

I realized recently, however, that all hope is not lost. Even though we may not recognize the impact of a drop of water from the mark it leaves on a rock, we can recognize the impact of a drop of water from our water bill. Surprisingly enough, a persistent and consistent leaky faucet can drive up a water bill. Who would think that a small drop could make such a difference? (ask me how I know!) That’s something most of us would indeed notice despite how busy we are.

 

Rabbi Avrohom Yachnes is one of the esteemed Rebbeim at Camp Dora Golding that I have the pleasure of spending my summers with. I always enjoy his insights and wisdom. A few summers ago, Rabbi Yachnes repeated an idea he heard from Rabbi Yosef Elefant. Rabbi Elefant related the aforementioned story with Rabbi Akiva and the rock, and then added the following observation:

Let’s assume we were somehow able to guesstimate exactly how much water fell on that exact spot of Rabbi Akiva’s rock over the years. If we were to then pour that amount of water on the rock at one time, would it cause a hole? Likely not. It wasn’t the magnitude of water that caused the hole, but rather it was the result of the process. Each individual drop didn’t appear to accomplish anything. But the reality was that it was creating an imperceptible impression all along.

Rabbi Akiva realized that if he too stayed the course and had patience for the process eventually Torah would penetrate within him as well.

Rabbi Yachnes then related that decades earlier he had a classmate who was a grandson of Rabbi Yaakov Kamenstsky. The grandson recounted one occasion when Reb Yaakov came to visit him in yeshiva. When the grandson began leading him towards the Yeshiva, Reb Yaakov asked him where they were going. The grandson replied that he assumed Reb Yaakov wanted to see the Beis Medrash. Reb Yaakov countered that he actually wanted to go to his grandson’s dorm room.

After Reb Yaakov assessed the room and was satisfied with its orderliness, he told his grandson he had a gift for him and handed him a package. The grandson opened it to find a small plant, not a typical gift given to yeshiva students.

Reb Yaakov told his grandson that he wanted them to both stare at the plant. After about 30 seconds, Reb Yaakov asked his grandson if he saw the plant grow. When the grandson replied that he didn’t see anything happen, Reb Yaakov suggested that they watch for a little longer. After a couple of minutes of monotonous watching, Reb Yaakov again asked his grandson if he saw the plant grow. When the grandson admitted that he didn’t, Reb Yaakov remarked that the reality is that it had grown even if they couldn’t see it.

Reb Yaakov then told his grandson that he wanted him to keep the plant on the windowsill above his bed. Reb Yaakov suggested that every night as he was getting into bed, his grandson should look at the plant and remember that it had grown that day even if it didn’t seem that way. Particularly on days when he didn’t feel he had been successful in his learning and was feeling down on himself, looking at the plant would remind him that there’s always growth occurring even when it may not be apparent.

The world celebrates completion and grandiosity. True greatness is borne from consistency and relentless effort that may never receive the adulation it deserves. The path to greatness also requires that one notice and appreciate every drop of growth.

 

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com

 

Parshas Achrei Mos 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Achrei Mos – Mevorchim Chodesh Iyar   

25 Nissan 5784May 3, 2024 – 10^th day of the Omer

Pirkei Avos – Perek 1

JOY OF JOYOUSNESS

On the afternoon of the seventh day of Pesach I realized that in Eretz Yisroel Pesach was over and they were already eating chometz. Far from being envious however, I actually felt badly for them. I was more than happy to have one more day of Yom Tov, to say the Yom Tov Kiddush and enjoy two more meals with my family, and to recite the magnificent words of Hallel and the Yom Tov Shemoneh Esrei in its beloved tune. The pizza could wait another day. I would much rather be enveloped in the ethereal world of Yom Tov than to rush back into my mundane routine.

The Chasam Sofer (Oh’C 145, Derashos 2, p. 272) writes that when Moshiach comes two days of Yom Tov will be observed, not only in the Diaspora, but even in Eretz Yisroel itself, “to remind us that we were in exile, and G-d brought us out and redeemed us from all our woes.” 

In addition, the Chasam Sofer (Toras Moshe, Pinchos) writes that when a Jew merits to celebrate Yom Tov and observe its endemic mitzvos and halachos, he should celebrate the very fact that he was able to have that celebration. That is why those outside Eretz Yisroel celebrate a second day of Yom Tov. The very fact that we are able to celebrate the holiday outside Eretz Yisroel, and to feel the elevation and spiritual embrace of the holiday even outside our homeland, is cause for another day of Yom Tov.

Those in Eretz Yisroel also celebrate the fact that they merited to observe the holiday by calling the day after Yom Tov Isru Chag (“binding of the holiday”). But outside Eretz Yisroel that celebration is far greater.

Perhaps we can explain this idea of the Chasam Sofer with the following parable:

An Italian businessman had to be overseas for a few months. As the weeks wore on, he increasingly missed his family and his home. But no time was harder than the holidays. Among the other customs, his family had a certain family recipe from generations earlier for a special pasta. The recipe called for many ingredients that were plentiful in Italy, but not where he was. Back home the highlight of the holiday was when the family would gather together and eat the pasta dish.

The businessman had a wealthy friend who saw how sad he was and decided that he would ensure the Italian businessmen had his family dish for the holiday. It was quite challenging, and it took considerable effort and money to gather all the ingredients. He even had to have a special oven constructed so that it would taste just like it did back home. But in the end the wealthy man persevered and was able to have the beloved dish replicated.

On the day of the holiday the wealthy man surprised the Italian businessman by inviting him to enjoy the pasta meal.

Tears flowed from the Italian businessman’s eyes when he smelled and then tasted the nostalgia-evoking dish. “How happy you’ve made me. Though nothing can replace being home, I’m gratified that I am able to enjoy a taste and feeling of connection with home even though I’m so far away.”

In exile we are away from home. The fact that we are able to enjoy and bask in the spirit of Yom Tov despite our not having a Beis Hamikdash or being in Eretz Yisroel, is reason itself for added celebration.

 

Apiryon (Parshas Re’eh) writes that there is a vast difference between a physical celebration and a spiritual celebration. A person may enjoy a physical celebration, but it is a fleeting experience, over all too soon. A spiritual celebration, however, is not only enjoyed and experienced at the time of the event, but, afterwards, when one reflects upon the experience he is again happy to have had that elevating opportunity.

This is the meaning of Dovid Hamelech’s words in Tehillim (68:4), “and the righteous... will rejoice in their rejoicing.” The righteous rejoice when they reflect upon the spiritual rejoicing they experienced prior.

This is the joy and celebration of Isru Chag. It is the joy of knowing that we have just observed a holiday with its unique, endemic mitzvos and opportunities to serve and draw closer to Hashem on a higher level than one could throughout the year.

By now, the Pesach dishes have been put away for next year, and we have indeed had the customary post-Pesach pizza. But I hope somehow to maintain the spiritual gains of the holiday, even while somehow discarding the physical ones.

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com

 

 

Parshas Metzora 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Metzora/Shabbos HaGadol  

11 Nissan 5784/ April 19, 2024

THE PROCESS

(With the exception of my brief introduction, the ideas in this essay were adapted from a lecture about the Haggadah by Rabbi David Lapin.)

 

My first position in chinuch was as the Social Worker in Yeshiva Bais HaChinuch. I spent almost a decade in that capacity and learned a great deal from my colleagues and, of course, the students. When I first began Rabbi Yaakov Oppen, a colleague and mentor, encouraged me to create and facilitate a social-emotional curriculum for the entire yeshiva.

In that regard, he often told me that aside for the purpose of imparting life skills to the students, it was important to generate conversation. Social-emotional learning isn’t adequately learned from lectures, but more from the give-and-take of discussion and dialogue. It was important to get the students involved and to hear their perspectives and thoughts. Even if less content was taught, the conversation itself was more valuable and impactful.

In a typical classroom, it can be challenging to have class conversations. Still, a seasoned and skilled rebbe/teacher will try to generate controlled conversation and student feedback as much as possible.

 

The night of the Seder is the night of chinuch. In their great wisdom and understanding of human psychology, Chazal structured the Seder incorporating ideal ways to teach, impart and convey lessons. One of the most important ideas endemic to the Seder is process. Growth and redemption don’t happen in an instant but requires tenacity and patience.

One of the laws of Sippur Yetzias Mitzrayim is that we must begin with the negative/degradation and conclude with the positive/praise (maschil b’gnus umisayem b’shvach). When relating what occurred we must first relate the tragedy and anguish so that we can then appreciate the salvation. In addition, the story must be conveyed in a question-answer format.

There is an important difference between discovery and spoon-fed entertainment. Most vacation attractions today advertise that the vacationer will need to invest minimal effort to enjoy the attractions they are offering. Passive enjoyment allows limited discovery. True discovery requires effort and willingness to explore into uncertainty and beyond what’s known and comfortable. Most people today aren’t willing to proceed into uncertainty and so are limited in what they can discover.

Our initiation into exile was anything but glorious. It was a long journey from the gloom of servitude to the glory of transformation. To appreciate the journey, we need to be willing to put ourselves into that mindset.

Questions also require willingness to forage into the unknown. One who questions honestly doesn’t know where his questions will lead him. On Seder night we mentally transport ourselves into an uncomfortable time an dplace so that we can achieve real discovery of who and why we are.

 

The halacha states that one must recline during the Seder.

The Medrash (Shemos Rabbah 20:18) notes that there is an enigmatic source for this law. After the exodus from Egypt, the Torah states, “Vayasev Elokim es Ha’am – “G-d turned the nation” (Shemos 13:18). He did not lead them through the closer land of Pelishtim, though it was closer. Instead, he led them along the far more circuitous route towards and through the desert.

The Medrash notes a link between the word, Vayasev – “He turned” and the word Vayesev – “He reclined”: “From here we see that even a poor man must recline when he eats at the Seder.”

What is the connection between their circuitous travels and our mitzvah to recline?

Many people do not observe the law of reclining at the Seder properly. Rashi describes it as “the way of free people on a bed at a table.” Reclining is how people eat when they are enjoying their meal in a highly relaxed manner.

When a person eats at a fast-food joint, his objective is to receive his food order as quickly as possible, then to eat and leave so that the next customer can take his place at the table.

When people eat on a cruise or at an upscale restaurant however, the meal takes on a life of its own. Those people remain at the table with nary a care in the world, enjoying the ambiance, company, and conversation.

The difference between the person eating at a fast-food restaurant and the person eating at an upscale restaurant is whether the focus is on the process or the outcome. If a person is going to eat because he’s hungry, he wants his hunger satiated as quickly as possible. He’s not interested in sitting down and having a waiter or waitress take his order while he converses. He’s outcome oriented, and wants to enjoy a good meal, and get back to his daily affairs as quickly as possible.

When eating is a process however, the patron wants to sit at a table with a comfortable chair in a pleasant environment and doesn’t want to feel rushed.

When one’s eating is solely for the outcome, such as eating a meal on a plane, he sits upright. However, when his eating is part of a process, such as when one eats on a cruise, his posture is more like reclining.

After they marched forth from Egypt, Hashem led Klal Yisroel on an elongated circuitous route, not only because the nation would panic at the sight of war and try to flee back into Egypt. It was also because the nation needed to undergo a process of growth that would require time and investment. Change is the result of process. Not only was the outcome/destination important, but so was the journey and the lessons learned along the way.

At the Seder our objective is not only to get to the meal; it’s not a fast-food ordeal. We recline at the Seder to demonstrate that the Seder is a night of transformation, where the process and journey is itself the goal. Reclining sets the tone for discussion, questions, debates, stories, and reflections. We don’t lean merely to remember that we once went free. We lean like free-men who have the ability and desire to ponder, debate and discuss.

 

This is also why we have a rabbinic obligation to drink four cups of wine at the Seder. Every cup of wine one drinks has a deepening effect upon him. Wine, like freedom, impacts a person in a progressional manner. When one enjoys a steak or a cup of soda, the result is that he isn’t hungry or thirsty anymore. But when one imbibes a few cups of wine, his very thinking and behavior become altered.

Like freedom, wine liberates those who are moral, but can destroy those who are immoral. Wine can be a blessing or a poison, it can elevate or denigrate, it can make a person feel elated or depressed, and it can liberate or enslave. As history demonstrates, those who are liberated without undergoing the process can be destroyed by their freedom.

 

Through the Seder we hope that drinking the four cups of wine will help us feel mentally and spiritually liberated.

At the Seder we don’t merely teach or recount. Our goal is to reexperience and to internalize the timeless lessons and values that have been passed down from time immemorial, from father to son, Seder table to Seder table.  

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos HaGadol

Chag Kasher V’sameiach & Freilichen Yom Tov,

R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com