“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Rosh Hashanah
29 Elul 5783/September 15, 2023
WHO ARE YOU?
A couple of weeks ago, shortly before our son Shalom left to return to
learn in Yerushalayim, he and I learned an essay from Alei Shur (Vol 2, p 415)
together.
In that essay, Rav Wolbe discusses the punctilious individual judgement
of Rosh Hashanah, when the fate of every being in creation for the coming year
is decided.
Rav Wolbe notes that if a person would be asked why he does what he does
he may answer that it’s what everyone else was doing or he just did what he was
taught without giving it much thought. He observed Shabbos, put on tefillin
each morning, and learned Torah each day because that’s what he always did and
that’s what everyone around him does.
Rav Wolbe poignantly notes that a person must recognize his
individuality, by pondering and recognizing his uniqueness. He needs to realize
that Hashem judges him based on who he is, not based on what everyone else is
doing.
Rav Wolbe then writes that it is vital for a person to spend time alone
with his thoughts in order to “meet himself”. He adds that this is the greatest
deficiency of Yeshiva students. They may have spent years learning at high
levels, yet never had a moment alone with their own thoughts. The result is
that they unwittingly forfeit their uniqueness and never realize personal
development. “How shameful it is to see precious b’nei Torah who have no
individuality, literally people without a history, where others dictate the
trajectory of their entire lives. Hashem should protect us from such a path of
life.”
Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski is reunion for having made invaluable
contributions to the Jewish community regarding mental health. Aside from being
a popular lecturer, he authored 90 books.
He would note that he didn’t write 90 books but wrote one overarching
message in 90 different ways. That message was about the importance of
developing healthy self-esteem.
He relates that he first realized he was deficient in self-esteem when he
was 38 years old.
“For three years, I had been director of a huge, 300 bed psychiatric
facility with a very busy emergency room. If a nurse could not reach an
attending doctor, I was called. Every other night I was on call to the
emergency room. On a good night, I was awoken only five times; on a bad night,
ten or more times.
“I had a vacation coming, and was desirous of getting away from an
impossibly hectic situation. I sought a vacation spot that would allow me to do
nothing other than vegetate. I wanted no sightseeing or activities. I finally
decided on Hot Springs, Arkansas, which promised to allow me total rest.
“Having had low-back
pain for years, I thought I would take advantage of the mineral-water baths,
which were touted as producing miraculous results. I was taken into a tiny
cubicle, and an attendant gave me two glasses of hot mineral water which was
naturally heated deep in the earth. Then I was put into a tub of these magic
waters, and the whirlpool was turned on.
“I felt I was in Paradise! No one could reach me - no patient, no nurse,
no doctor, no family member, no social worker, no probation officer. And in
this paradisical situation, I was bathing in nature's own hot-water. Who could
ask for more?
“After about five minutes, I got up and said to the attendant, "That
was wonderful! Just what I'd been hoping for."
“The attendant said, "Where are you going, sir?" I said,
"Wherever the next part of the treatment is." The attendant said,
"First you must stay in the whirlpool for 25 minutes."
“I returned to the bath, and after five minutes I said, "Look, I
have to get out of here." The attendant said, "As you wish, but you
cannot go on with the rest of the treatment."
“I did not wish to forego the treatment, so I returned to the tub
for 15 minutes of purgatory. The hands on the clock on the wall did
not seem to be moving.
“Later that day, I realized that I had a rude awakening. I had taken
three years of constant stress without difficulty, but I could not take ten
minutes of Paradise! Something was wrong.
“On return home I consulted a psychologist. He pointed out that if you
asked people how they relaxed, one would say, "I read a good book,"
or "I listen to music," or "I do needlework," or "I
play golf." Everyone tells you what they do to relax. However,
relaxation is an absence of effort. One does not do anything to
relax. What most people describe as relaxation is
actually diversion. You divert you attention to the book, needlework
or golf ball.
“Diversions are perfectly OK, but they are actually escapist techniques.
Work and diversion are fairly healthy techniques. Unfortunately, some people
escape into alcohol, drugs, food or gambling.
“In the cubicle at Hot Springs, I had no diversions: nothing to read,
nothing to look at, nothing to listen to, no one to talk to, nothing to do. In
absence of all diversions, I was left in immediate contact with myself. I could
not remain there long because I didn't like the person I was with!”
My rebbe, Rabbi Berel Wein, quips, “I make sure to talk to myself every
day. Often, it’s the only intelligent conversation I have all day.”
We often think teshuva requires taking on new resolutions and doing
things we’ve never done before. But there’s a vital component of teshuva that
requires one to search inward and take stock of how he has been conducting his
life.
During the early 2000s during the second Arab intifada there was a spate
of suicide bombings in Eretz Yisroel. Many Jewish communities in America,
wanting to help in any way possible, began reciting a few chapters of Tehillim
after davening each morning.
One American Rabbi recounted that his initial facetious thought was that
we often daven three times a day without proper concentration. Now they began
saying added chapters of Tehillim also without concentration. Perhaps it would
be more ideal to work on improving something we already do - such as having
more concentration when saying berachos, or working on our interpersonal
relationships by making a more concerted effort to not speak loshon hora.
Parshas Netzovim is always read the Shabbos before Rosh Hashanah. Most
years it is coupled with Parshas Vayelech. Netzovim means to stand; Vayelech
means to go. Both are integral components of teshuva. Improvement requires
moving forward from where we have been. But it also entails “standing still”,
pausing from the bustle of life to think about where one stands regarding his
own aspirations, morals and responsibilities.
On Rosh Hashanah we are judged as individuals. It behooves us to get to
know ourselves better so that we can appreciate our individuality and continue
growing from within.
Shabbat Shalom
& Good Shabbos
Shana Tova
& Kesiva Vachasima Tova,
R’ Dani
and Chani Staum
