“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos
Kodesh parshas Mishpatim
Shabbos
Shekalim – Mevorchim Chodesh Adar
27 Shevat 5783/February
17, 2023
לזכר
נשמת נטע יצחק בן אלכסנדר ז"ל
PRECONCEIVED LOVE
On one occasion, after my wife and I
had gone out for breakfast together (an occasion that doesn’t happen enough),
we went to one of the local Jewish groceries. As we were entering, we saw the
rebbe of one of our sons holding a few bags about to exit. We began schmoozing
(not about our son. No teacher appreciates improv PTAs…) and the Rebbe shared
with us the following personal story:
Some time ago, he was driving on the
FDR Drive in Manhattan and was pulled over by a cop for speeding. After
scanning his license, the cop came back to the car and told the rebbe he was
being arrested for driving with a suspended license because of an unpaid
ticket. Without giving him a chance to defend himself, the cop handcuffed the
rebbe and put him in the back of his cruiser. Thankfully, the Rebbe’s wife was
with him and, although quite concerned, she was able to follow the cruiser in
their car to the police station.
When they arrived at the station, the
rebbe took a receipt out of his wallet that proved he had paid the ticket two
years earlier. I asked the rebbe if he always keeps receipts, and he replied
that he never does. For some inexplicable reason the day he paid the ticket he
placed the receipt in his wallet, and it stayed there.
The officer took the receipt and told
him they would investigate. They took a mug shot of the rebbe and placed him in
a jail cell.
The common refrain among those in
jail is “So, what are you in for?” His driving without a license seemed rather
petty compared to what some of his fellow jail-mates were in for.
After two hours the police told him
that the receipt proved that he had indeed paid the ticket. However, there was
a $30 surcharge that hadn’t been paid and that was why his license had been
revoked. He was released and told that he should go to the DMV the following
day and pay $260, and the matter would be dropped.
This particular rebbe is an excellent
storyteller and speaker. But he admitted that this is one story he doesn’t
share publicly.
I was amazed by the story. He himself
couldn’t explain why he put that receipt in his wallet and why he never threw
it out? But that little piece of paper saved him from far greater aggravation.
As I was marveling over the story, I realized that something
similar occurred to me. Though thankfully, I’ve never been in jail, I did have
an experience where something that seemed so insignificant ended up being
crucial.
When I graduated Fordham University
with a master’s in social work, I began seeking employment. At that point we
had two children, and I would soon have to start paying back student loans. I
was considering rabbanus but didn’t know how to go about it. As far as
counseling was concerned, I wanted to work in the orthodox community but it’s
not easy to break in and start building a reputation. I had no idea where to
turn.
My wife and I met with Rabbi Moshe
Possik, director of personnel resources for Torah Umesorah and lived in my
in-laws’ neighborhood. He was gracious with his time, and we discussed
different options for rabbanus and the possibility of visiting out-of-town communities
for Shabbos.
I was too nervous to start looking
into such ideas without any support system and I began to feel more despondent.
I left the meeting feeling very dejected. I quipped to my wife that I had no
idea why we wasted his time and our time.
That summer I worked in Camp Elyon, a
local day camp. To date, that was the only summer since I was 10 years old that
I didn’t attend overnight camp. It was hard for me to adjust to day camp after
so many years in sleepaway camp.
One summer night I received a phone
call from Rabbi Naftali Eisgrau asking me if I would be interested in becoming
the social worker in Yeshiva Bais HaChinuch, a warm and vibrant Yeshiva for
students who struggle academically. Rabbi Eisgrau had recently become the
menahel of the yeshiva. He heard that I was working in Camp Elyon, where he had
worked a few summers prior, and had spoken to the camp director about me.
Bais HaChinuch seemed like a great
fit for me, and after one meeting in Rabbi Eisgrau’s home, I accepted the
position. I was the social worker in Bais HaChinuch for 9 wonderful years.
It was only several years into my
employment in Bais HaChinuch, when I was schmoozing with Rabbi Eisgrau, that I
found out the rest of the story about how I was hired.
The summer after I graduated Fordham,
Rabbi Eisgrau attended a Torah Umesorah employment event. While there he was
speaking with Rabbi Possik and Rabbi Possik asked him what positions he needed
to fill at Bais HaChinuch. Rabbi Eisgrau replied that what he needed was not in
Rabbi Possik’s line of expertise. When Rabbi Possik retorted, “why don’t you
try me?”, Rabbi Eisgrau replied “I’m looking for a social worker for my
Yeshiva.” It was very shortly after I had met with him, and Rabbi Possik
immediately replied, “I have someone for you.”
At first Rabbi Eisgrau brushed him
off because he thought Rabbi Possick was referring to a particular individual
that Rabbi Eisgrau didn’t think would be a good fit for the yeshiva. But when
Rabbi Possik said Rabbi Eisgrau should meet this person who is, “young and
excited...” Rabbi Eisgrau realized it wasn’t who he thought. That was when
Rabbi Eisgrau called me, and I was hired.
My years at Bais HaChinuch served as
my foundation and introduction into the world of chinuch. During those years, I
gained a great deal of experience, and forged many important connections. More
significantly, I developed a wonderful friendship with Rabbi Eisgrau. Not
everyone is privileged to call his (former) employer a dear friend and mentor.
It was amazing to me that a meeting I
thought was pointless ended up being vital for my future.
We have no way of knowing why and how
a quick decision we make will have significant implications later on. I’m sure
my son’s rebbe would rather not have gotten handcuffed and jailed. But that was
no less divinely ordained than the receipt he had in his wallet that served as
his way out of jail.
The third chapter of Megillas Esther
relates about Haman being elevated to a position of authority and orchestrating
the heinous decree of genocide of the Jewish people. The chapter begins, “After
these matters”. The Gemara asks what matters the Megillah refers to, and
explains that it was after the future salvation was set in place with Esther
becoming queen. Regarding the Jewish people Hashem ensure that the healing is
present before the affliction takes effect.
What is the difference whether the
remedy/salvation is arranged before the tragedy arises or afterwards if in the
end the salvation occurs?
A loving parent would never put their
child through an ordeal without planning it thoroughly first. A parent ensures
they will have the best care possible for their child and will make sure
everything is in place beforehand.
Hashem is our loving parent. Although
things often don’t turn out how we would like or expect, we know there is a
reason for all that occurs. We also are strengthened by the knowledge that the
salvation we need has already been arranged before the difficult situation
arose.
Our relationship with Hashem is
always one of preconceived love.
Shabbat Shalom
& Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum