“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos
Kodesh parshas Vayigash
6 Teves
5783/December 30, 2022
HOLD OR FOLD
Rabbi Shlomo Carelbach a’h related
that when he was still living in his parent’s home, he had a nephew who stayed
in his parent’s home on Chanukah. The night after Chanukah ended, they told his
nephew that Chanukah was over, and they wouldn’t be lighting menorah again. His
nephew asked him to dial his mother’s number so he could speak to her. When his
mother got on the phone, his nephew began crying, “Please come bring me home!
Bubby and Zaydei don’t want to have Chanukah anymore. But I want to have it
again!”
The celebration of Chanukah is the
result of those who rose to the occasion and were ready to die for their faith
and values. At that point the Maccabes heroically assumed the leadership of our
people and saved our ancestors from spiritual destruction. For that they are
eternal national heroes.
The stranger part of the Chanukah story is that the gemara
(Kiddushin 70b) states that there are no living descendants of the Maccabean
family. Tragically, the descendants of the original Maccabees largely undid the
legacy of their holy ancestors. The later Hasmonean kings brought about civil
war, an all-out assault on Torah values, and even murder of Torah leaders. When
one of the later Hasmonean kings sent a pig to be offered upon the Mizbeiach it
was the ultimate betrayal of the legacy of their ancestors. The Maccabean
revolt had begun decades earlier because the Syrian-Greeks offered a pig on the
altar.
The family that had saved the Jewish
people by assuming the reins of power during a desperate time, failed to
relinquish that power when desperate measures were no longer necessary.
The gemara (Pesachim 22b) relates
that Shimon Ha’amsuni invested great effort expounding the hidden message to be
derived from every time the word “es” appears in the Torah. But then, he came
to one particular instance where he could not decipher its message. At that
point he stated, “just as I have received reward for expounding, so will I
receive reward for rescinding”. Despite his previous investment, when he felt
his premise was mistaken, he had the fortitude to reject all his previous work.
It’s been noted that although in his humility Shimon Ha’amsuni
stated that he would receive reward for rescinding just as for expounding, the
truth is that rescinding is an exponentially more formidable challenge, and therefore
garners far greater reward.
A friend of mine who arranges trips
for a summer camp noted that his goal is that the trip end when the campers
wish it was a little longer. If they feel the trip should have been longer,
they remember it positively. But if they feel it was too long, even if the trip
was great until then, they will generally remember it negatively.
Mark Twain quipped that he was once
listening to a preacher soliciting money. As he listened to the preacher’s
passionate plea, Twain decided to give more than he originally planned. After
another minute of heartfelt oratory, he decided to double his original
donation. But then the preacher continued speaking, droning on and on. By the
time the collection cup came around, Twain took a few dollars out of the cup
and pocketed them as compensation for his aggravation.
As parents, one of the most
challenging tasks we have is to step aside. As our children transition into
adolescence and then adulthood, it is vital for parents to grant their children
space to make their own decisions (and often mistakes) in order to chart for
them to forge their own path in life.
Rabbi Shay Schachter relates that
every year before Rosh Hashanah his father, Rabbi Hershel Schachter, Rosh
Yeshiva of Rebbeinu Yitzchok Elchonon, asks him if he (Rabbi Hershel Schachter)
is passed his prime and whether he can still give shiurim and properly fulfill
the roles cast upon him.
Rabbi Shay Schachter notes that it is very painful for him when
his father asks him the question. However, his father feels it is important for
him to be candid with him. Rabbi Hershel Shachter has mentioned that there were
great Torah leaders who were taken advantage of in their advanced years,
because they were no longer able to maintain their level of leadership but did
not step back and were taken advantage of.
When I first began my career in
rabbanus, my predecessor, Rabbi Yehoshua Kohl, gave me a valuable piece of
advice. He quoted the first line of the chorus of Kenny Roger’s old hit song -
“You gotta know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em.”
It’s true regrading speeches, knowing
when to take a stand on issues, and about career decisions generally. There’s a
time to jump in and there’s a time to back down. The wise person constantly ponders
and weighs the right time for each.
Chanukah celebrates those who assumed
leadership when it was necessary for national survival. The tragic aftermath of
Chanukah is the result of the inability to relinquish power and control.
You gotta know when to hold ‘em and
know when to fold ‘em.
Shabbat Shalom
& Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum