“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Ki Savo
15 Elul 5780/September 4, 2020
Avos perek 3-4
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RIDE
THE WAVE
Before
our family left to camp a few months ago, and again last week before Yeshiva
began, I had to go for a Covid-19 test. It’s not exactly the most pleasant
experience, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I told
my parents that both tests confirmed what they told me years ago - I’m
negative!
It’s been
a rough and tough few months for all of us. When I see pictures or videos from
pre-Corona, I look longingly at people interacting normally - shaking hands,
laughing and generally being social. We’ve all had it with social distancing
and the other restrictions, and yet have no idea what the future holds.
Dr.
David Pelcovitz noted that this pandemic may very well have been the first time
for many millennials that their parents couldn’t bail them out. Everyone was in
the same boat and there was no escaping it, no matter how wealthy or
prestigious anyone is .
We also
still don’t know the scope of the emotional damage caused by the lockdown. It’s
clear that there has been a major spike in anxiety and depression, but the full
extent of the damage is yet to be realized.
One
thing that the pandemic has forced us to do is to live for today. Throughout
the last few months, everything has been in tremendous flux with things
constantly changing. Even now when there has been a partial reopening, no one
has any idea what the immediate future holds. The one thing that we know (or
should know) is how little we know. We have learned to expect the unexpected.
It’s all
a perfect recipe for a surge of anxiety. Unlike fear, which is brought about by
things that are definitive and predictable, anxiety is all about the unknown.
Our minds conjure up all sorts of unnerving ideas and situations, causing us
tremendous angst and worry. We want guarantees of security and comfort, but
even in normal times there are no guarantees, all the more so during a global
pandemic.
So how
do we deal with anxiety? How can we contend with the thoughts that keep us up
at night and disturb us during the day?
Aside
for learning how to deal with anxious thoughts by reframing them, one of the
most important components for dealing with anxiety is to learn to recognize it
and accept it. The problem is that the more we fight it, the more it will fight
back, consuming us with even more debilitating and worrying thoughts. It’s not
easy, but a person can learn to recognize his anxious thoughts for what they
are - anxious thoughts, and then to proceed with his day despite it.
Here’s a
couple of analogies that help put this idea in perspective:
If a
person has a splitting headache and an emergency occurs, the person deals with
the emergency and forgets about the headache. It’s not because the headache
went away. Rather, because the person was so focused on the emergency, he was
disengaged from the headache and was able to not pay attention to it.
Anxiety
can’t be pushed away, but the more a person allows himself to engage in another
matter, the more disengaged he will become from the anxiety and the more it will
recede into the background.
A person
can also imagine anxiety as a huge wave that builds up intensity to a crescendo
before it begins to recede. The best thing to do when feeling anxious is often
the hardest - to do nothing; to see the wave and to allow it to pass.
Anxiety,
like all emotions we acutely feel, is very real. But we don’t want to allow it
to dominate us. With techniques and practice we can learn to acknowledge it and
get past it.
A
critical component is to live in the present and not become overwhelmed by the
unknowns of the future, for which we anyway have no control.
Many of
us feel flooded and paralyzed by anxious thoughts, especially during these
challenging weeks and months. We need to remind ourselves that “this too shall
pass” and that G-d is running the world with precision. Add to the mix some
faith and prayer and we can anticipate mental health and contentment, not to
mention our hope for a sweet new year full of health and blessing.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’
Dani and Chani Staum