“RABBI’S MUSINGS (&
AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh
Parshas Eikev
Mevorchim Chodesh Elul - Avos
perek 4
22 Av 5778/August 3, 2018
I wonder if others have had this experience too.
Before Tisha B’av I was listening to a lecture about the
importance of being nosei b’ol im chaveiro (sharing the burden with
one’s friend). Essentially, it refers to our obligation to empathize with the
plight of others. In some instances, it motivates us to do all we can to help
alleviate the pain of others, while in other situations it at least ensures
that those going through challenges don’t feel alone, but that there are those
who care about their plight.
But, it goes beyond even that. On a metaphysical level, our
feeling and sharing the pain of others demonstrates to Hashem that we care
about our brethren, an important key to bringing about the future redemption.
The renowned speaker shared some incredible anecdotes which
demonstrate the unparalleled love and care that great Torah leaders have even
for strangers, including that a Gadol couldn’t sleep or eat normally because he
was so disturbed by the pain of others.
But the strange thing was, the more I listened to those
stories the more deflated I felt. Instead of being inspired, I felt dejected. I
have a hard enough time balancing all of the responsibilities in my own life.
Am I obligated to strive to fully internalize the pain of others? If I am, how
can I ever be happy and dance at a wedding or appreciate a sunny day, when
there is so much suffering and sadness in this world?
I reminded myself of a conversation I had with our family’s
rebbe, Rabbi Chaim Schabes. Rabbi Schabes is not just a scholar and Rabbi of
note, but also a selfless person who gives freely of his time for the needs of
Klal Yisroel, well beyond those of his own kehilla. I am constantly astounded
when I hear from numerous friends and acquaintances that when there were
communal issues or personal struggles they turned to Rabbi Schabes for advice,
even though he is not their “rabbi”. I cannot understand where he has the time
in his day for his kehilla, the multitudes of others who seek his counsel, and
to prepare and give derashos and shiurim.
Throughout the years, whenever we have met privately with
Rabbi Schabes to consult with him about various family matters, he always gives
us his full attention, as if nothing else was going on. The only interruption
is from the incessant buzzing of his phone which indicates that there is plenty
of other matters vying for his attention beyond our meeting.
I once asked Rabbi Schabes how he is able to deal with all of
the painful stories he hears on a constant basis. How does he always exude so
much simcha despite all the tragedies he is privy to?
He replied that when one hears painful news, and surely when one is listening to another relate a personally painful experiences, at that time he is obligated to try to be nosei b’ol and empathize with true care. Then when he davens, he should include heartfelt prayers on behalf of the suffering person and his situation. But beyond that, one must live his own life, and cannot allow himself to be overwhelmed by the suffering of others.
He replied that when one hears painful news, and surely when one is listening to another relate a personally painful experiences, at that time he is obligated to try to be nosei b’ol and empathize with true care. Then when he davens, he should include heartfelt prayers on behalf of the suffering person and his situation. But beyond that, one must live his own life, and cannot allow himself to be overwhelmed by the suffering of others.
(Of course, that doesn’t include doing what one can on behalf
of the person. This only refers to one’s emotional investment. Rabbi Schabes
noted that he believes he heard this perspective in the name of Rav Isser
Zalman Meltzer zt’l.)
When my rebbe related to me this idea, I was very moved. I
suggested that it’s a mitzva to publicize it to others in order to alleviate
the needless guilt many of us feel that we are not nosei b’ol. He nodded
affirmatively.
It is no small order to truly empathize with another when he
is sharing his pain and you have other things to do. Nor is it easy to remember
his plight when you are davening, to add tefillos on his behalf. But if one has
done so he has fulfilled his obligation to be nosei b’ol. At that point
he should strive to be b’simcha with the feeling of the words we say in
bentching - “And for all Hashem, our G-d, we thank You and bless You.”
Shabbat
Shalom & Good Shabbos,
R’ Dani and Chani Staum