Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Parshas Ki Sisa 5781



Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Ki Sisa/Parah

21 Adar 5781/March 5, 2021


To be added to my “Striving Higher” WhatsApp chat with periodic chizuk clips, or my “Power Parenting” WhatsApp chat with weekly ideas about parenting, text me at 845-641-5094.


לרפואה שלימה נטע יצחק בן רחל


            The Wednesday morning before Purim, when I woke up, I told my wife that I had a most fascinating dream. I should preface by saying that I hardly remember my dreams and when I do, I am always annoyed with them because they are scary and nonsensical. That made this dream all the better.

            I dreamed that I had gotten the Covid vaccine. The intriguing part was that I knew I was dreaming. In my dream I thought to myself that if I got the Covid vaccine in my sleep, what can I tell people? And in my dream, I thought to myself that I could tell people that I can now go to sleep without a mask!

            When I woke up, aside for my arm hurting a bit, I was impressed with my subconscious humor. Even in my dream I was in a Purim mindset.

            There is a dream many are unfamiliar with that was significant in the unfolding of the Purim story.

            The Medrash relates that in the second year of the reign of King Achashveirosh, before the events of the Megillah even began, Mordechai hatzaddik had a dream. In his dream, there was a tremendous upheaval, and screams. Then two massive sea monsters began to skirmish, as the whole world looked on in terror. In between the two sea monsters was a small nation, which all the other nations wanted to swallow up. The nations would act towards that small nation with great cruelty, and the members of that small nation cried out and davened to Hashem with all their heart and soul.

Meanwhile the two sea monsters continued to fight, and no one could intervene. Suddenly, a small stream appeared, trickling in between the two sea monsters, separating them from each other. Within a short time, the trickle became a raging river that kept widening until it swept away the entire land. The sun then shone in the sky and the small nation became glorified and elevated, as peace reigned upon the land.

            Mordechai recounted the dream to Esther, but not to anyone else. When Haman was promoted to prime minister a decade later, and passed his evil decree against the Jews, Mordechai sent a message to Esther that this must be the fulfillment of his dream. It was then that he instructed her to go before Achashveirosh unlawfully and she instructed the Jewish people to fast for three days.

            The commentaries explain that the sea monsters symbolized Mordechai and Haman and the small, persecuted nation were the Jews. The little steam that became a raging river symbolizes Torah or teshuva. It was that spiritual resurgence which began with a small step in the right direction that swept Haman away and obliterated all our enemies.

            All great accomplishments begin with a dream which is followed with the first small step in the right direction. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” It takes tremendous effort to initiate, but once one gets the ball rolling, the small trickle can become a raging river.

            All great people, projects organizations and institutions start with humble beginnings.

            This week, I went to pick up our Chasdei Lev order. For those unaware, Chasdei Lev is an organization founded to show appreciation to Rebbes, Morahs and those involved in the education of our children. On the organization’s website it explains: “We achieve this goal by partnering with yeshivos, manufacturers, and distributors to provide rabbeim with food and household necessities for yom tov in a dignified and respectful manner.

            We strive to ensure that the Rebbeim of our communities are able to go into Yom Tov with peace of mind. Yom Tov on any budget is expensive, for Rebbeim with large families and on a typical Rebbe’s salary – it can be daunting. Chasdei Lev’s goal is to help alleviate that strain.”

            The most beautiful part of all is the next line which states: “35k family members assisted, 1k volunteers, 0 paid members.” Zero paid members! Whoever heard of such a thing?

            I should add that when I went to pick up my order it was raining. Yet, the volunteers, which included many local young men, were working diligently and excitedly to load each car up as quickly as possible.

            My dear friend, Yossi Weimer, who volunteers for Chasdei Lev, informed me that he was up the entire previous night and through the day helping set up. He was not the only one.

            At each station, after loading the car, the volunteers thanked us! When the entire order was loaded, before pulling out each educator received a free gift, another thank you, and wishes for a beautiful Yom Tov.

            Having received Chasdei Lev for the last few years, I have to step back and remind myself just how incredible the organization is and what the volumes it speaks about our community.

            When the pandemic hit, there was much discussion about essential workers. In our communities one of our primary focuses was to ensure our children’s education would continue as quickly and efficiently as possible. Tremendous effort was expended to train teachers and set up Zoom, Google Classroom, and phone meetings. We made sure to get our yeshivos back open as soon as it was safe to do so. That tells you about what we value and prioritize.

            When the larger community rallies to be part of an organization which shows appreciation and hails educators as true heroes, it strengthens our resolve to dedicate ourselves to our children’s chinuch above all else.

            In an inane society which prioritizes making Mr. Potato Head gender neutral and is banning classic Dr. Seuss books because they are now deemed offensive, we continue to prioritize building the future.

            Our dream is to strengthen the next generation of those who bear our immutable Torah values. We do so by seeking to inoculate our children from the heretical ideas around us.

            We celebrate the fruition of the dream of Mordechai each year on Purim. The dream which began as a trickle but is now an unstoppable force.


            Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Parshas Tetzaveh 5781



Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Tetzaveh/Shushan Purim

14 Adar 5781/February 26, 2021



To be added to my “Striving Higher” WhatsApp chat with periodic chizuk clips, or my “Power Parenting” WhatsApp chat with weekly ideas about parenting, text me at 845-641-5094.


            Whenever a situation warranted it, my Bubby a”h would quote an old Yiddish saying. When I then asked her what it meant she would always say that you can’t properly translate such witticisms because something gets lost in the translation.

            The most frequent quote we heard from her was the well-known, “hak mir nisht keyn tshaynik - don’t knock on my tea kettle.” It was a protest against our making too much noise or carrying on about something (my siblings, not me...) I always wondered why she couldn’t just tell us to be quiet. The truth is that the Jews have been banging on tea kettles for thousands of years, and despite our enemies best/worst efforts, they can’t seem to stop us.

            Judaism has many things that are not easily translated or explained. In fact, it’s often more prudent to just stick with the Hebrew. The best example of that is tefillin. If a non-Jew asks you what’s with the boxes, the worst answer is to say that they are phylacteries. Does any non-Jew know what that phylacteries are? It sounds like a stomach ailment. You have a better chance of using the word tefillin.

            It reminds me of when I was at a chassidishe tish on the last night of Chanukah and one of the well-meaning chassidim explained to me that they night the Grand Rabbi was giving out patties in honor of Hanukkah. I never felt so Jewish!

            The same holds true for explaining what the Mishkan was (although why would any non-Jew ask what the Mishkan is....). No one has any clue what a tabernacle is.

            I remember as a child looking at my grandparents old Hebrew Publishing Company machzorim. On the side of the Shavuos machzor it said Pentecost. What in the world does that mean? (It is actually based on a Christian concept.)

            When I was in Graduate School, a fellow student named Shiffy used the name Stephanie, because it was more familiar to the students and professors. One professor however, while taking attendance couldn’t seem to pronounce Stephanie properly. She would have been better off leaving her name as Shiffy.

            Of all the holidays of the year, the most difficult one to translate is Purim.

            Sometimes people naively explain it as the Jewish Halloween. That’s like saying astronauts are ‘space football players’ because, like football players, astronauts wear helmets.

            Just about the only connection between Halloween and Purim is that people wear costumes and visit other people’s homes. That Purim is all about giving and Halloween is about taking is only a small part of it. Purim celebrates life, connection to G-d, connection to fellow Jews, and reigniting our inner passion in being proud Jews. I have no idea what Halloween celebrates, and I frankly don’t care. But I do find it highly inappropriate to even compare the two exclusively incongruous days.

            The literal translation of Purim is “lots”, so named after the lottery Haman cast when determining what day to commit genocide against the Jews. Would anyone think to name the Super Bowl “Coin Toss” because the game begins with one? While Haman indeed cast lots, that was seemingly only a trivial event in determining a date for his heinous plans. Why title the holiday after that? Furthermore, why would the holiday be named after such a painful part of the story? Shouldn’t we focus on the salvation?

            So much of life seems random. In fact, random is a popular word in today’s society. Why do good people suffer? Why is there a pandemic? Why can’t people find their shidduch? Why does that person deserve so much money when that person can’t pay his mortgage? Why can’t that person get a better job? Why does that person have such challenges with his children?

It almost seems like life happens based on luck of the draw.

            However, part of being a believer entails believing that Hashem orchestrates everything that occurs. We don’t choose the cards we are dealt with, but we do choose what we do with them. In the words of Kenny Rogers, “You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em.”

            Haman cast lots and was convinced that he had determined the perfect day to carry out his plans. The reality was that it was the perfect time for his plans to be reversed and bring about his utter destruction.

            Perhaps the holiday is called Purim - not only to reflect on Haman’s lots - but also to reflect the many “purims” in our daily lives. The things that occur which seem like a lucky throw of the dice, are really part of a master plan, though it’s not too apparent.

            In the Megillah, Vashti was sure her position as queen was secure. She never dreamed her husband, who wasn’t born into royalty, would assassinate her. Haman was sure his plan was foolproof and that as soon as he got rid of Mordechai everything would be perfect for him. Haman’s daughter was absolutely convinced that the shamefaced man leading the parade was Mordechai, and so she decided to shame him even more by emptying the family chamber pot on his head.

            The holiday of Purim poignantly reminds us that the purim of our own lives, which we may think we have a grasp of and understand their trajectory, are really beyond us. Our role is to play the cards we are dealt with to the best of our ability and know that the cards are being dealt with a perfect plan and direction.

            There’s no holiday when we hock louder than on Purim. We bang when hearing Haman’s name to obliterate the memory of a dangerous enemy. But beyond that, we bang to arouse the Haman within ourselves, those feelings of randomness which lead to anxiety and sadness, to obliterate those as well.

            On Purim we don’t seek to get lost in the translation, but we do seek to immerse ourselves in its commentary.

            L’chaim, l’chaim aleh Yidden!


            Freilichen Purim!

            Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       


Thursday, February 18, 2021

Parshas Teruma 5781



Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Terumah/Parshas Zachor

7 Adar 5781/February 19, 2021



To be added to my “Striving Higher” WhatsApp chat with periodic chizuk clips, or my “Power Parenting” WhatsApp chat with weekly ideas about parenting, text me at 845-641-5094.


            I have never been good with names or faces. I joke that my wife never forgets a face, and I never remember one. So, while she will meet a woman and recognize her from kindergarten, I will meet a student and not be able to remember why he looks familiar. (Well, not that bad, but close…)

            During the last few months when everyone walks around wearing masks it’s even worse for me. Last week, someone came over to me and, in a friendly manner, greeted me and asked me how I was doing? He must have noticed my confusion, because he pulled down his mask for a moment so I could see his face. I cannot say that helped me recognize him, but I had to pretend it did.

            On Friday night, in our tribute to our mothers/wives, the Eishes Chayil (woman of valor), we state: “She does not fear for her house from snow, because her entire house is dressed in wool.” Simply understood, this means that her family does not fear the winter when it snows because she makes sure they have warm clothing to insulate them.

            On a deeper level, it is a reference to her ability develop the inner essence of every member of her family.

            I must admit that I don’t like winter or cold weather. However, when stepping out into the cold stillness of a winter morning after a night of snow, it is a truly majestic and beautiful sight. Everything is covered with a blanket of white, concealing everything beneath it. Everything looks the same.

            When we act, dress, and speak in a certain manner in order to fit in with everyone else, we compromise our individuality and uniqueness. But the woman of valor isn’t afraid of her family falling into that pattern. She works hard to develop the inner greatness of her children; she strives to demonstrate to them why they are special and what they can contribute. The truth is that wearing a wool sweater doesn’t actually warm a person. Rather, it insulates the inner body heat the person has so that he doesn’t feel the outside cold. The greatest gift we give our children- and ourselves – is to discover and develop our latent inner greatness.

            The woman of valor doesn’t fear the external faceless cold of a lack of identity and inner self worth, because she provides her family with wool to maintain their inner warmth, personality, and identity.

            Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky relates that when asked why yeshiva students dress in “black and white” (black pants and white shirts) every day, he replies because they know what to wear in the morning and don’t have to decide. When the questioner persists that wearing the same clothing as everyone else strips them of their identity, he replies that if one’s identity is the result of the clothing he wears, then he has no idea what having a real sense of identity means.

            On Purim, it is customary to wear a costume and mask. We laugh when we see someone in a good costume because it’s funny when it looks like someone/something is approaching us, but then the person takes off the mask and we see that it’s someone else.

            On a deeper level, Purim reminds us that in our daily lives we wear many masks that hide our true identity. For one day a year, we pull off our masks and reveal our true inner identity. We celebrate who we are and allow our natural love for our fellow Jews to flow between us.

            We eat hamantaschen which mostly conceal the delicious filling mostly obscured by the dough, to remind us that the inner beauty and essence of most people, especially ourselves, is often hidden from view by the daily bustle of life.

            There is a mitzvah to drink on Purim more than we are accustomed to, to show us that beyond our inhibitions lies a pure essence that yearns for greatness and to transcend the anxieties, foibles, resentments, and self-consciousness that impedes our progress.

            We cannot sustain a Purim life. Soon enough the day ends, and we return to our regular programming. The wise person, however, doesn’t quickly forget what it was like when he pulled off his mask and connected with his inner greatness. He uses the experience to help him realize that he shouldn’t be afraid of being just being another face in the crowd because he realizes the greatness he has within.


            Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       


Thursday, February 11, 2021

Parshas Mishpatim 5781



Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Mishpatim

Rosh Chodesh Adar/ Parshas Shekalim

30 Shevat 5781/February 12, 2021

משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה


To be added to my “Striving Higher” WhatsApp chat with periodic chizuk clips, or my “Power Parenting” WhatsApp chat with weekly ideas about parenting, text me at 845-641-5094.


            This past Friday, our Shabbos guest pulled up in front of our house an hour and a half before Shabbos. He parked a bit awkwardly in the street because of the high mounds of snow pushed to the side of the road. He shut the car and came into the house carrying a bunch of bags. When he went back out to park the car for Shabbos, he realized that he didn’t have the key. It’s a remote key, so it doesn’t get inserted into the ignition. As long as the key is somewhere in the car, the car will start. The fact that the car wasn’t starting meant that the key wasn’t anywhere in the car either. He looked under the car, then retraced his steps into the house, and looked in all the locations where he had been, but the key wasn’t anywhere to be found.

            At that point, we all went outside and began searching in the snow next to the path we had dug out from the road to our front door. When our guest said that he had thrown a few things in the garbage, I took the entire garbage bag out and held it inside the car, but the car didn’t start - obviously the key wasn’t inadvertently dropped in the garbage.

            The onset of Shabbos was rapidly approaching, and we couldn’t leave the car in the road for Shabbos. Although our guest has a spare key at home, there was no way he would be able to get it delivered before Shabbos. I called some friends in the neighborhood who work with Chaverim, but they said there wasn’t much that could be done. With no choice, we began calling tow truck companies.

            After a couple of calls, we found a company that was familiar with Shabbos observance and agreed to send someone immediately. For $175 they would tow the truck into a nearby driveway for Shabbos. That would at least allow us to go into Shabbos with the issue temporarily resolved.

            I waited anxiously for the tow truck to arrive as the minutes ticked on. Five minutes before I was to leave to shul for mincha, the tow truck pulled up. As I was going to meet him, he got out of the truck, walked over to the car, put his hand on top of the driver’s door, and promptly handed me the key!

            I was dumbfounded. We had looked everywhere, but hadn’t thought to look on top of the car. When our guest had pulled up and gotten out of the car, he must’ve absentmindedly placed the key on top of the car as he gathered the bags from inside the car to carry inside the house.

            The truck is much higher up then the car, and as he slowly drove by the stationary car, he was able to clearly see the key lying on top.

The best part was that he didn’t charge us, although I did give him a hefty tip. As he laughed and got back into his truck, I told him - more for me than for him - “one never knows when he is going to be G-d’s messenger to help someone else”.

            Everyone is familiar with the Gemara’s statement, “mishenichnas Adar marbin b’simcha - When Adar enters, we increase in our joy.” Those words can also be understood to mean that when we allow Adar to enter - i.e. to enter into us - we will inevitably experience an increase and surge of joy. How do we allow Adar to enter into us?

            The Chiddushei Harim notes that the message of Adar is “aleph - dar”. Aleph refers to the one omnipotent and omniscient G-d. Dar means a dwelling place. The month of Adar reminds us that our task is to recognize and reveal that this world is a dwelling place for G-d. The events of life often obscure that realization. The more we analyze, ponder, and recognize the Hand of Hashem in everything that occurs in our personal lives and throughout the world generally, the more Adar enters into us, and the more the limitless joy of Purim enters us.

            Our world was full of anxiety before the pandemic struck. In the last year the problem has only become compounded many times over. When we view events from our vantage point and perspective, we have reason to feel uneasy and somewhat lost. Adar arrives with its message that the keys that drive this world forward can only be found above. When you realize that the driver knows exactly where he’s going, you can relax and enjoy the ride.


            Good Chodesh

            Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum