Thursday, March 14, 2024

Parshas Pekudei 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Pekudei

5 Adar II 5784/ March 15, 2024

 

PUNCTUATED SALVATION  

 

        Is it possible that our English teacher was right (or correct)? Could it be that punctuation really does make a difference in life and, in fact, could save lives?

        Many are familiar with the difference between “Let’s eat Grandma” and “Let’s eat, Grandma.” The first is a grotesque form of cannibalism while the second depicts a lovely outing. So, it seems commas indeed save lives.       

What if I told you that the Jewish people were in fact saved by one comma? What if I told you that the whole Purim salvation was based on one comma? And, no, it’s not because I’m in a state of ad d’lo yada.

 

The Megillah relates that King Achashveirosh allowed Haman to dispatch letters to all his provinces allowing the nations “to destroy, to kill and to wipe out all the Jews” (Esther 3:13). Further in the Megillah, however, after Haman was killed, Achashveirosh told Mordechai and Esther to “write concerning the Jews whatever is favorable in your eyes…” (ibid. 8:8). Mordechai and Esther were enjoined to draft second letters to send to the provinces, permitting the Jews to defend themselves.

        How were Mordechai and Esther able to overwrite the first edict issued by Achashveirosh if the law was that a decree could not be rescinded?

        A yeshiva bochur on his way to his best friend’s wedding realizes that, as usual, he is running late. His best friend’s chuppah is about to begin and he still must find parking in that notoriously difficult parking area. He says a silent prayer and pulls onto the block of the hall. To his utter delight, a spot is available right in front of the wedding hall.

        He quickly pulls in, grabs his hat, and, while simultaneously making his tie, rushes towards the front entrance. As he is opening the front door, he notices in the corner of his eye that a cop standing next to his car issuing him a parking ticket. He turns around and runs back. “Officer, why are you giving me a ticket?” The cop hardly looks up. “Son, are you blind? Didn’t you see the sign right there that says, ‘No Parking’?”

 The bochur laughs and shakes his head. “Officer, let me explain. At first, I made the same mistake as you did. When I first pulled up and saw this perfect spot, I thought to myself there’s absolutely no way that I can park right here. But then I noticed the sign here that says, ‘No!’ don’t think you can’t park her. Rather, ‘Parking!’ The sign was actually informing me that I can park here. But you obviously misread the sign too, Officer.”

        What a difference a comma can make!

Here are some other examples of potential tragedies that could be averted with the insertion of a comma or two:

·         Jacob likes cooking his family and his dog.

·         Throw my wife out the window the keys.

·         Throw my husband in the oven a slice of pizza.

(Yes, I am aware that the last two sentences are not grammatically correct anyway.)

 

 In a similar vein, the Vilna Gaon explains that Mordechai and Esther did not change the wording of the previous edict, “to destroy, to kill and to wipe out all the Jews.” Instead, they merely inserted a comma, so that it now read, “to destroy, to kill and to wipe out all, the Jews.” That one little comma completely changed the meaning of the decree. Instead of the Jews being the targeted subjects of the murderous decree, the Jews were now going to be the promulgators of it.

        The Shalmei Todah further explains that this is what Achashveirosh meant when he told Mordechai and Esther, “write concerning haYehudim, the Jews whatever is favorable in your eyes.” They were to write what they found favorable about the word Yehudim – the Jews mentioned in the original decree. They did exactly that by adding that fateful comma.

        It is not coincidental that punctuation plays another vital role during this time of year. In Parshas Zachor, read immediately prior to Purim, we recall what Amalek did to the Jewish people. We restate our mission to “wipe out the memory of Amalek from under the heaven” (Devarim 25:19). As prescribed by halacha, due to the question of how to pronounce the Hebrew word for memory – Zecher – in the Torah, we read the word in two ways. The word is pronounced with both a tzeirei and segol to cover all possibilities.

        It is most apropos that the question of one nekudah arises regarding the mitzvah of eradicating Amalek. It is one nekudah, one dot, that differentiates the pronunciation between these two words. But that is exactly what Amalek wishes to destroy. One small dot, symbolizing that one inner spark, the pintele yid, the pristine Jew, within every Jewish soul. That one nekudah is what Amalek wishes to extinguish.

       

Inky Johnson was a top prospect during a successful college career on the path to stardom in the NFL. In his junior year of college, he was projected as a top thirty draft pick. On September 9th, 2006, he sustained a life threatening, career-ending injury that paralyzed his right arm and hand. Since then, Inky has dedicated his life to motivational speaking and encouragement to always pursue greater goals and never allow the setbacks of life to impede.

The following is one of Inky’s messages:

“A comma means there is a pause. The sentence isn’t over, but there is a need for a space before going on. A period on the other hand, tells you that the sentence is over.

“Many times in life, we place a period where G-d intends for us to place a comma.

“When I had my career ending injury and was told that I was paralyzed on one side and would never play football again, many people placed a period on my life. They said that I had worked toward that dream from when I was 8 years old, and now it was shattered, so there was nothing else for me.

“But I knew that it was a comma and there was more to come. I knew G-d would not have put me through all that if there wasn’t something bigger for me in the future. I didn’t know what it was then, but I knew that the ordeal was a comma and not a period!”

 

At the time of the Purim story, the Jewish people feared that their situation was going to be a period, bringing about the frightening end of their story. In truth, however, the Purim story became a glorious comma, in the long history of the eternal people. But it was not just another ordinary comma. Purim reminds us that no matter what challenges, frustrations, anguish and setbacks we suffer, collectively or individually, they are commas, and not periods.   

During our present time of pain and challenge for Klal Yisroel, Purim reminds us that Hamas, Hezbollah, and Iran will be a comma in the history of our people.

Just as back then, there will be no permanent parking for the Jewish people. We will proceed and we will prevail.

“To make known that all those who hope in You will not be ashamed and all who trust in You will never be humiliated.”

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com


 

 

 

Thursday, March 7, 2024

Parshas Vayakhel 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayakhel

28 Adar I 5784/ March 9, 2024

Mevorchim Chodesh Adar II – Shekalim


EMOTIONAL EXTENSION CORDS

 

Doing construction is exciting and simultaneously exceedingly frustrating and trying on one’s patience. One of the things I remember most about when we did construction was myriad wires everywhere. Eventually, all those wires were hidden within the walls. But before the walls were erected, and new outlets were created, there were numerous wires crisscrossing each other. Those wires were plugged into extension cords that themselves were plugged into other extension cords, with all those cords competing for the same few outlets.

One day during construction, I realized that our freezer had been unplugged. I had to trace the wires until I figured out which plug should be pulled out so I could ensure the freezer was plugged in.

The maze of extension cords is a poignant analogy. At times we may say or do something that brings a surprisingly strong reaction or response from another, be it a spouse, friend, child, student, parent, employee, neighbor, etc. We have no way of knowing that at some earlier point, someone else may have said similar words which, at that time, caused him tremendous pain, shame, or aggravation. What we said or did caused a proverbial extension cord to plug into to that past experience causing a painful emotional jolt or shock.

This dynamic happens within us as well. At times we may be surprised by our own emotional reaction to a comment or situation. It is more than likely that our reaction wasn’t so much caused by actual words that were said but the significance or meaning we subconsciously attached to it. A seemingly nonchalant comment may have plugged into a metaphoric extension cord connecting us way back to our past.

The most extreme example I experienced of this phenomenon was with a client I visited weekly when I was a social worker intern. Antschel was a retired Holocaust survivor. He had recently suffered a few mini strokes and it was hard for him to speak. He was also attached to a feeding tube.

One blustery rainy November afternoon, I was sitting next to him discussing something when he motioned that he wanted to say something. I stopped and waited. It took a minute before he got the words out: “They made us walk”. At first, I had absolutely no idea what he was referring to. But then his wife explained that at the end of WWII, Antschel had been on the Nazi death march during the month of November when it was often blustery and rainy.

It was amazing to me, that sixty years later, in his home in New York, when seeing the same weather out his window, it triggered a painful and traumatic memory. The weather had caused a mental extension cord to be plugged in, triggering a visceral reaction.

The analogy can be helpful in putting things in perspective in our daily lives as well. A client with whom I shared the analogy reported that he recently became upset at something relatively trivial that happened at home. When he thought about the situation, he realized that his harsher reaction was because the incident triggered an earlier memory. Once he was able to identify that, he was able to work on “unplugging” that extension cord. In fact, he was able to apologize for his reaction to his wife and to explain that what happened triggered plugging in an extension cord.

 

The Mishnah (Avos 2:4) states, “Do not judge your friend until you are in his place.” The Mishnah is essentially saying that one cannot judge his friend until he has “walked a mile in his friend’s shoes”.

The Sefas Emes notes that even if someone finds himself in the exact same predicament as his friend and all conditions are equal, he still cannot judge his friend. Although the external situation may be the same, every person has vastly different internal emotions, sensitivities, feelings, dispositions, inclinations, fears, life experiences, family upbringing, values, goals, and sense of morality.

To say it more succinctly, every person has different extension cords plugged into different outlets. Therefore, even if one is in the same situation as another, he cannot adequately judge his friend’s actions in the same situation.

Essentially the Sefas Emes is saying that one can never properly judge another. Even if he is in his friend’s shoes, he still doesn’t have his friend’s feet.

There’s a lot of mental extension cords running from the present into way back in our lives. The more we can identify them, the more we can unplug ourselves from them. Instead, we can find more positive extension cords and outlets that help us connect with healthier thoughts and reactions.

 

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com


 

Thursday, February 29, 2024

Parshas Ki Sisa 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Ki Sisa

21 Adar I 5784/ March 2, 2024


MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE

 

In a recent edition of her daily WhatsApp, Sivan Rahav-Meir, disseminated the following:

“Kama Hochman is a 7-year-old girl who lives in Bnei Netzarim, a charming little moshav in southern Israel. Her father is presently doing reserve duty in Khan Yunis. This week she decided to write a letter to Yahya Sinwar, the leader of Hamas. It seems to me that this simple and innocent letter is much truer and more to the point than the decisions handed down at the Hague or the UN.

“Listen to 7-year-old Kama:

“To Sinwar

Shalom! I am Kama, I’m in second grade and live in the Gaza periphery. I want to tell you that G-d chose the nation of Israel to be His people and, therefore, even if you try to kill us, we will win. I am wishing that you will be caught, and that the nation of Israel will live with quiet and in peace.””

 

I am impressed with Kama’s perspective. She was obviously taught that she is part of a special people and that our national ordeal is part of a bigger picture.

It reminded me of an anecdote that my rebbe, Rabbi Berel Wein, often relates:

After the Second World War ended, a former SS guard recounted one occasion when he was rounding up Jews and throwing them onto trucks to be taken to be killed. He found a young Jewish boy hiding and pulled him out. The boy looked him in the eye and said, “I’m Yaakov and you’re Eisav. Even though you’re about to kill me, I would still rather be Yaakov than Eisav.”

 

At this year’s Agudah Convention in December 2023, during the popular Thursday night session entitled, “Asking for a friend” with Rav Aharon Lopiansky and Rav Yosef Elefant, Rav Elefant said the following:

“As far as children are concerned, I think that Jewish history, our tzaros – the Holocaust, Crusades, Tach V’tat (the Cossack massacres of 1648-1649), are all part of the timeline from the Churban; it’s part of the history that dates back to Har Sinai. Our mesorah, our history, is critical to the context of our Avodas Hashem and our mission in the world.

“It’s absolutely critical that we speak to children about the historical context of what’s happening. It’s part of our mesorah, part of our connection to Sinai.

“Someone from a yeshiva in Lakewood called me a few months ago and said they have an hour of General Studies a week. What should they teach?

I told them they should teach Jewish history. The students should have a context of the continuity and the plan. Teaching Jewish history is not about teaching gory details or trauma. Children have to know to be able to connect the dots and understand what happened from the Churban and on, what the Churban caused, why we are what we are, where we were and where we are going. It’s critical for the self-definition of our young generation. To miss the opportunity would be a tremendous shame.”

 

One additional quote from non-Jewish author, Paul Johnson. In A History of the Jews, he writes:

“No people have ever insisted more firmly than the Jews that history has a purpose, and that humanity has a destiny. At a very early stage in their collective existence they believe they detected a divine scheme for the human race of which their own society was the pilot.... Judaism is not a product, but a program, and the Jews are instruments of its fulfillment.

“Jewish history is a record not only of physical facts but of metaphysical notions. The Jews believe themselves created and commanded to be a light unto the nations of the world. And they have attempted to obey, to the best of their considerable powers, that commandment…

“The Jews have been great truth-tellers. And that is why they have been so hated. A prophet will be feared and sometimes honored, but he will never be loved. A prophet must prophesy. And the Jews, therefore, will persist in pursuing truth as they see it wherever it leads.

“Jewish history teaches, if anything can, that there is indeed a purpose to human existence, and we are not just born to live and die like beasts of the field….”

 

Being a Jew isn’t easy, but it is an incredible privilege and responsibility. Being chosen and special always comes with a price tag.

When viewed in that light, our national travails, painful as they may be, become purposeful and meaningful. This is certainly true of our current struggle and anguish in Gaza and beyond. These powerful perspectives are vital for us to convey to our progeny.

There is no holiday that celebrates the eternity of our people and our values like Purim. The unbridled joy we feel during Adar is inextricably bound with knowing we are part of something greater than ourselves and that our lives, and our deaths, have meaning and purpose. It is the same joy that has been reflected on the faces of soldiers, and Jews around the world in past months. It is what grants the incredible conviction of families, including those who have lost parents, spouses, children, friends and/or neighbors the conviction and inner strength to carry on.

Despite our collective anguish and personal pain, we have an ethereal inner pride knowing that we are fighting for something divine and eternal, and that every one of us is an essential component of that Master Plan.

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com

 

Friday, February 23, 2024

Parshas Tetzaveh 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Tetzaveh

14 Adar I 5784/ February 23, 2024

Purim Katan


A LITTLE MORE TIME

 

R’ Benzion Dunner of London was renown as a tremendously charitable philanthropist. He would say that he viewed himself as a ‘gabbai tzedakah’; that G-d had granted him wealth merely so that he could oversee its dissemination to those in need.

On the night of Purim 2008 he distributed more than a million pounds to charity.

        Two weeks later, on March 21, 2008, R’ Benzion was driving with some of his children when he suddenly lost control of his car, and veered off the road. Tragically, R’ Benzion was killed instantly. Miraculously, everyone else in the car survived. 

        Shortly afterwards, a relative of R’ Benzion asked Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, “Doesn’t it say (Mishlei 10:2) “Charity saves from death”? How could a person who dedicated his life to charity, have died so young and so tragically?”

        Rabbi Kanievsky replied, “He was supposed to die twenty years ago!”

         (I asked R’ Zev Dunner, R’ Benzion’s brother and an activist with Torah Umesorah, about the story. I have written it as he told it to me. He added that Rabbi Kanievsky was very emphatic. He did not say, “Perhaps he was supposed to die twenty years ago”.)

R’ Benzion was granted twenty years of life because of his philanthropy.   

 

This week, 18 Adar I, marks the second yahrtzeit of my father-in-law, Mr. Nathan Mermelstein a”h.

In 2014, my father-in-law was hospitalized. To be honest, at the time we didn’t realize how ill he was. It was only when we went to visit him in the hospital that we were informed that he was fighting Sepsis, a serious complication resulting from infection that can be life threatening. The odds weren’t on his side, but, thankfully, he pulled through. He hosted a seudas hoda’ah when he regained his health.

In 2020 during Covid, he began not feeling well. For a long while the many doctors he went to couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong. They insisted he was fine, even though he was extremely uncomfortable and often in pain.

I will never forget the afternoon when he called to tell me that a tumor was discovered in his pancreas.

He began schlepping into the Bronx weekly for treatment. My incredibly devoted mother-in-law was always at his side. The treatment weakened him, but he seemed to be responding. Then, at the end of January 2022, he fell at home. When Hatzaloh members arrived, he was still communicating with them. Little did anyone know that was the last time he would be in his home and the last time he would speak. His condition deteriorated over the next few weeks, and he was niftar on Shabbos morning, 18 Adar I, surrounded by his wife and three children.

 

One night during my father-in-law’s shiva, Rabbi Avi Cohen, a dear neighbor of my in-laws, related to us the following story:

22 years earlier “the other side of the lake” in Lakewood had no mikvah. The nearest mikvah was on Madison Ave, a long walk away.

Representatives of three shuls convened to raise funds to purchase a piece of land and renovate the house on it to become a mikvah. Rabbi Cohen and another member of his shul, Ephraim Birnbaum, were the representatives of their shul.

Their first stop was at the home of my father-in-law. When they began explaining the project to him, before they had a chance to explain all the details, he sat down and wrote out a check for $2,000.

They thanked him but then explained that they were looking for 5 founding families to donate $10k each to initiate the campaign. Once they had $50k in commitments they felt the $245k project would gain momentum.

My father-in-law immediately replied that he wanted to be the first donor and pledged an additional $10k.

That indeed helped get the project rolling and a year later the mikvah was completed. My father-in-law forever has a significant share in the mikvah on the corner of Sunset Blvd and Central Ave on the other side of the Lakewood lake.

We were blown away by the story that we knew nothing about. There are undoubtedly many more stories of his chessed and tzadakah of which we are still unaware.

We can never profess to know the calculations of heaven. But I’ve often wondered if he was granted six additional healthy years, and the opportunity to meet 4 more grandchildren, in the merit of his tzedakah and chessed.

 

My father-in-law came from humble beginnings. His parents were Holocaust survivors and things were challenging in his youth. My father-in-law began his “career” doing menial jobs, including truck deliveries and as a butcher. He slowly saved up money until he could purchase a house and a car. He loved to help people and contribute as much as he was able.

Every Motzei Shabbos/Yom Tov, immediately after havdalah, he would sit down at the dining room table and write out a check for any tzedakah pledges he had made over Shabbos/Yom Tov.

 

A person sitting in a chair with two babies

Description automatically generatedHe was also a person of impeccable integrity. The afternoon before I became engaged to his daughter, I had a long conversation with my future in-laws. During that discussion my father-in-law told me that if anyone ever called him dishonest it was equivalent to taking a knife and stabbing him in the back. He had a disdain for dishonesty. I don’t know where he developed such fierce honesty from.

He often told me that he didn’t want to be an in-law to me, but more like a father. I personally learned so much from him.

We continue to miss him so much.

May his neshama have an Aliyah.

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com