Friday, March 22, 2024

Parshas Vayikra 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayikra-Zachor

12 Adar II 5784/ March 22, 2024

 

OFF HIS HIGH HORSE

 

A friend who is a dentist gives mishloach manos full of huge cavity-inducing candies… and a business card. 

In truth, there is more of a connection between rotted teeth and Purim than you may realize. 

 

One of the beloved parts of the Purim story is when Haman paraded Mordechai upon the king’s horse through the streets of Shushan. As the procession passed Haman’s home, Haman’s daughter, confident that her father was atop the horse with Mordechai being forced to lead it, cast the family chamber-pot upon her father’s head. When Haman looked up to see who had so shamed him, she recognized that it was her father, and she jumped to her death.

If Haman was repeatedly calling out “Such shall be done to the man whom the king wishes to honor”, how did his daughter not recognize her father’s voice? 

Earlier in the story, after Haman conveyed to Achashveirosh his idea for how the king should bestow honor upon a worthy dignitary, Achashveirosh instructed Haman to implement his own plan by bestowing that honor upon Mordechai. Achashveirosh told him, “Take the royal clothing and the royal horse as you have spoken, and do so to Mordechai the Jew who sits at the king’s gate. Do not leave out anything from all that you have spoken.”

What was added with the final words of instruction not to leave out “anything from all that you have spoken”?

The Ben Ish Chai explains that Haman had suggested to the king that the dignitary whom the king wishes to honor should be honored in three ways – by wearing royal clothes, riding the royal steed, and having another dignitary proclaim before him, “Such shall be done to the man whom the king wishes to honor”.

Achashveirosh did not want Haman to be like the vendors in the shuq (marketplace) who periodically call out their products to inform every new wave of passersbys of what they are selling. Rather, he wanted Haman to keep repeating the refrain over and over. As soon as Haman completed saying it, he was to begin again. In this way, Mordechai would be honored in all three ways throughout the entire procession.

This is why Achashveirosh added, “Do not leave out anything from all that you have spoken”? If Haman would only call out the refrain periodically, during lapses, Mordechai would not be receiving the full tripartite honor that Haman had suggested.

Shushan was a large city with many streets. If Haman was forced to keep repeating the same refrain loudly without stopping, with time his voice invariably became strained. When the parade neared Haman’s home, his daughter indeed did not recognize the tired, strained voice of the person leading the horse. That was how she unwittingly dumped the family refuse upon her father’s head.

         So, it turns out that Haman was thrown off his metaphoric high horse to lead an actual royal horse before he himself became a little hoarse.

 

The Ben Ish Chai offers an additional explanation as to why Achashveirosh added the final words of instruction, “Do not leave out anything from all that you have spoken”.

Haman was an old man. [In Ta’ama d’Kra, Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, notes that Haman and Mordechai were both 95 years old.] At that age, he was undoubtedly missing many or most of his teeth. Without teeth, it’s challenging to enunciate certain letters, particularly the letters ז, ס, ש, ר,צ.

Achashveirosh understood that when Haman would call out the words “Such shall be done to the man whom the king wishes to honor” being that he lacked teeth, it would sound slurred and unclear. No doubt that Haman would make sure to make it sound even more unclear by purposely mumbling the words.[1]

There is one way to ensure that the words will be clear, even without teeth. If one says the words slowly and loudly, the words will be clear and understood.

Achashveirosh, therefore, warned Haman to make sure that the words, literally, did not fall out of his mouth. Rather, he should ensure to say each word slowly and clearly so everyone will understand exactly what he is saying.

So Haman was not only smelly like a horse and a little hoarse (or perhaps very hoarse), he was also toothless.

 

Perhaps it’s in commemoration of Haman’s rotting teeth that children the world over have adopted the custom to eat endless amounts of candy and sugar on Purim.

Still, we should remind our children that as soon as Purim is over, they should make sure to brush their teeth. After all, they definitely don’t want to end up as the wicked son at the Seder whose teeth get blunted.

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos

Purim Sameiach & Freilichen Purim,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com




[1] I have said this thought over at the Purim seudah. It is a lot of fun to demonstrate this idea by covering your teeth with your lips and calling out “Such shall be done to the man whom the king wishes to honor.” It’s especially fun after a few cups of wine.

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Parshas Pekudei 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Pekudei

5 Adar II 5784/ March 15, 2024

 

PUNCTUATED SALVATION  

 

        Is it possible that our English teacher was right (or correct)? Could it be that punctuation really does make a difference in life and, in fact, could save lives?

        Many are familiar with the difference between “Let’s eat Grandma” and “Let’s eat, Grandma.” The first is a grotesque form of cannibalism while the second depicts a lovely outing. So, it seems commas indeed save lives.       

What if I told you that the Jewish people were in fact saved by one comma? What if I told you that the whole Purim salvation was based on one comma? And, no, it’s not because I’m in a state of ad d’lo yada.

 

The Megillah relates that King Achashveirosh allowed Haman to dispatch letters to all his provinces allowing the nations “to destroy, to kill and to wipe out all the Jews” (Esther 3:13). Further in the Megillah, however, after Haman was killed, Achashveirosh told Mordechai and Esther to “write concerning the Jews whatever is favorable in your eyes…” (ibid. 8:8). Mordechai and Esther were enjoined to draft second letters to send to the provinces, permitting the Jews to defend themselves.

        How were Mordechai and Esther able to overwrite the first edict issued by Achashveirosh if the law was that a decree could not be rescinded?

        A yeshiva bochur on his way to his best friend’s wedding realizes that, as usual, he is running late. His best friend’s chuppah is about to begin and he still must find parking in that notoriously difficult parking area. He says a silent prayer and pulls onto the block of the hall. To his utter delight, a spot is available right in front of the wedding hall.

        He quickly pulls in, grabs his hat, and, while simultaneously making his tie, rushes towards the front entrance. As he is opening the front door, he notices in the corner of his eye that a cop standing next to his car issuing him a parking ticket. He turns around and runs back. “Officer, why are you giving me a ticket?” The cop hardly looks up. “Son, are you blind? Didn’t you see the sign right there that says, ‘No Parking’?”

 The bochur laughs and shakes his head. “Officer, let me explain. At first, I made the same mistake as you did. When I first pulled up and saw this perfect spot, I thought to myself there’s absolutely no way that I can park right here. But then I noticed the sign here that says, ‘No!’ don’t think you can’t park her. Rather, ‘Parking!’ The sign was actually informing me that I can park here. But you obviously misread the sign too, Officer.”

        What a difference a comma can make!

Here are some other examples of potential tragedies that could be averted with the insertion of a comma or two:

·         Jacob likes cooking his family and his dog.

·         Throw my wife out the window the keys.

·         Throw my husband in the oven a slice of pizza.

(Yes, I am aware that the last two sentences are not grammatically correct anyway.)

 

 In a similar vein, the Vilna Gaon explains that Mordechai and Esther did not change the wording of the previous edict, “to destroy, to kill and to wipe out all the Jews.” Instead, they merely inserted a comma, so that it now read, “to destroy, to kill and to wipe out all, the Jews.” That one little comma completely changed the meaning of the decree. Instead of the Jews being the targeted subjects of the murderous decree, the Jews were now going to be the promulgators of it.

        The Shalmei Todah further explains that this is what Achashveirosh meant when he told Mordechai and Esther, “write concerning haYehudim, the Jews whatever is favorable in your eyes.” They were to write what they found favorable about the word Yehudim – the Jews mentioned in the original decree. They did exactly that by adding that fateful comma.

        It is not coincidental that punctuation plays another vital role during this time of year. In Parshas Zachor, read immediately prior to Purim, we recall what Amalek did to the Jewish people. We restate our mission to “wipe out the memory of Amalek from under the heaven” (Devarim 25:19). As prescribed by halacha, due to the question of how to pronounce the Hebrew word for memory – Zecher – in the Torah, we read the word in two ways. The word is pronounced with both a tzeirei and segol to cover all possibilities.

        It is most apropos that the question of one nekudah arises regarding the mitzvah of eradicating Amalek. It is one nekudah, one dot, that differentiates the pronunciation between these two words. But that is exactly what Amalek wishes to destroy. One small dot, symbolizing that one inner spark, the pintele yid, the pristine Jew, within every Jewish soul. That one nekudah is what Amalek wishes to extinguish.

       

Inky Johnson was a top prospect during a successful college career on the path to stardom in the NFL. In his junior year of college, he was projected as a top thirty draft pick. On September 9th, 2006, he sustained a life threatening, career-ending injury that paralyzed his right arm and hand. Since then, Inky has dedicated his life to motivational speaking and encouragement to always pursue greater goals and never allow the setbacks of life to impede.

The following is one of Inky’s messages:

“A comma means there is a pause. The sentence isn’t over, but there is a need for a space before going on. A period on the other hand, tells you that the sentence is over.

“Many times in life, we place a period where G-d intends for us to place a comma.

“When I had my career ending injury and was told that I was paralyzed on one side and would never play football again, many people placed a period on my life. They said that I had worked toward that dream from when I was 8 years old, and now it was shattered, so there was nothing else for me.

“But I knew that it was a comma and there was more to come. I knew G-d would not have put me through all that if there wasn’t something bigger for me in the future. I didn’t know what it was then, but I knew that the ordeal was a comma and not a period!”

 

At the time of the Purim story, the Jewish people feared that their situation was going to be a period, bringing about the frightening end of their story. In truth, however, the Purim story became a glorious comma, in the long history of the eternal people. But it was not just another ordinary comma. Purim reminds us that no matter what challenges, frustrations, anguish and setbacks we suffer, collectively or individually, they are commas, and not periods.   

During our present time of pain and challenge for Klal Yisroel, Purim reminds us that Hamas, Hezbollah, and Iran will be a comma in the history of our people.

Just as back then, there will be no permanent parking for the Jewish people. We will proceed and we will prevail.

“To make known that all those who hope in You will not be ashamed and all who trust in You will never be humiliated.”

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com


 

 

 

Thursday, March 7, 2024

Parshas Vayakhel 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Vayakhel

28 Adar I 5784/ March 9, 2024

Mevorchim Chodesh Adar II – Shekalim


EMOTIONAL EXTENSION CORDS

 

Doing construction is exciting and simultaneously exceedingly frustrating and trying on one’s patience. One of the things I remember most about when we did construction was myriad wires everywhere. Eventually, all those wires were hidden within the walls. But before the walls were erected, and new outlets were created, there were numerous wires crisscrossing each other. Those wires were plugged into extension cords that themselves were plugged into other extension cords, with all those cords competing for the same few outlets.

One day during construction, I realized that our freezer had been unplugged. I had to trace the wires until I figured out which plug should be pulled out so I could ensure the freezer was plugged in.

The maze of extension cords is a poignant analogy. At times we may say or do something that brings a surprisingly strong reaction or response from another, be it a spouse, friend, child, student, parent, employee, neighbor, etc. We have no way of knowing that at some earlier point, someone else may have said similar words which, at that time, caused him tremendous pain, shame, or aggravation. What we said or did caused a proverbial extension cord to plug into to that past experience causing a painful emotional jolt or shock.

This dynamic happens within us as well. At times we may be surprised by our own emotional reaction to a comment or situation. It is more than likely that our reaction wasn’t so much caused by actual words that were said but the significance or meaning we subconsciously attached to it. A seemingly nonchalant comment may have plugged into a metaphoric extension cord connecting us way back to our past.

The most extreme example I experienced of this phenomenon was with a client I visited weekly when I was a social worker intern. Antschel was a retired Holocaust survivor. He had recently suffered a few mini strokes and it was hard for him to speak. He was also attached to a feeding tube.

One blustery rainy November afternoon, I was sitting next to him discussing something when he motioned that he wanted to say something. I stopped and waited. It took a minute before he got the words out: “They made us walk”. At first, I had absolutely no idea what he was referring to. But then his wife explained that at the end of WWII, Antschel had been on the Nazi death march during the month of November when it was often blustery and rainy.

It was amazing to me, that sixty years later, in his home in New York, when seeing the same weather out his window, it triggered a painful and traumatic memory. The weather had caused a mental extension cord to be plugged in, triggering a visceral reaction.

The analogy can be helpful in putting things in perspective in our daily lives as well. A client with whom I shared the analogy reported that he recently became upset at something relatively trivial that happened at home. When he thought about the situation, he realized that his harsher reaction was because the incident triggered an earlier memory. Once he was able to identify that, he was able to work on “unplugging” that extension cord. In fact, he was able to apologize for his reaction to his wife and to explain that what happened triggered plugging in an extension cord.

 

The Mishnah (Avos 2:4) states, “Do not judge your friend until you are in his place.” The Mishnah is essentially saying that one cannot judge his friend until he has “walked a mile in his friend’s shoes”.

The Sefas Emes notes that even if someone finds himself in the exact same predicament as his friend and all conditions are equal, he still cannot judge his friend. Although the external situation may be the same, every person has vastly different internal emotions, sensitivities, feelings, dispositions, inclinations, fears, life experiences, family upbringing, values, goals, and sense of morality.

To say it more succinctly, every person has different extension cords plugged into different outlets. Therefore, even if one is in the same situation as another, he cannot adequately judge his friend’s actions in the same situation.

Essentially the Sefas Emes is saying that one can never properly judge another. Even if he is in his friend’s shoes, he still doesn’t have his friend’s feet.

There’s a lot of mental extension cords running from the present into way back in our lives. The more we can identify them, the more we can unplug ourselves from them. Instead, we can find more positive extension cords and outlets that help us connect with healthier thoughts and reactions.

 

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com


 

Thursday, February 29, 2024

Parshas Ki Sisa 5784

 

“RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

 

Erev Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Ki Sisa

21 Adar I 5784/ March 2, 2024


MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE

 

In a recent edition of her daily WhatsApp, Sivan Rahav-Meir, disseminated the following:

“Kama Hochman is a 7-year-old girl who lives in Bnei Netzarim, a charming little moshav in southern Israel. Her father is presently doing reserve duty in Khan Yunis. This week she decided to write a letter to Yahya Sinwar, the leader of Hamas. It seems to me that this simple and innocent letter is much truer and more to the point than the decisions handed down at the Hague or the UN.

“Listen to 7-year-old Kama:

“To Sinwar

Shalom! I am Kama, I’m in second grade and live in the Gaza periphery. I want to tell you that G-d chose the nation of Israel to be His people and, therefore, even if you try to kill us, we will win. I am wishing that you will be caught, and that the nation of Israel will live with quiet and in peace.””

 

I am impressed with Kama’s perspective. She was obviously taught that she is part of a special people and that our national ordeal is part of a bigger picture.

It reminded me of an anecdote that my rebbe, Rabbi Berel Wein, often relates:

After the Second World War ended, a former SS guard recounted one occasion when he was rounding up Jews and throwing them onto trucks to be taken to be killed. He found a young Jewish boy hiding and pulled him out. The boy looked him in the eye and said, “I’m Yaakov and you’re Eisav. Even though you’re about to kill me, I would still rather be Yaakov than Eisav.”

 

At this year’s Agudah Convention in December 2023, during the popular Thursday night session entitled, “Asking for a friend” with Rav Aharon Lopiansky and Rav Yosef Elefant, Rav Elefant said the following:

“As far as children are concerned, I think that Jewish history, our tzaros – the Holocaust, Crusades, Tach V’tat (the Cossack massacres of 1648-1649), are all part of the timeline from the Churban; it’s part of the history that dates back to Har Sinai. Our mesorah, our history, is critical to the context of our Avodas Hashem and our mission in the world.

“It’s absolutely critical that we speak to children about the historical context of what’s happening. It’s part of our mesorah, part of our connection to Sinai.

“Someone from a yeshiva in Lakewood called me a few months ago and said they have an hour of General Studies a week. What should they teach?

I told them they should teach Jewish history. The students should have a context of the continuity and the plan. Teaching Jewish history is not about teaching gory details or trauma. Children have to know to be able to connect the dots and understand what happened from the Churban and on, what the Churban caused, why we are what we are, where we were and where we are going. It’s critical for the self-definition of our young generation. To miss the opportunity would be a tremendous shame.”

 

One additional quote from non-Jewish author, Paul Johnson. In A History of the Jews, he writes:

“No people have ever insisted more firmly than the Jews that history has a purpose, and that humanity has a destiny. At a very early stage in their collective existence they believe they detected a divine scheme for the human race of which their own society was the pilot.... Judaism is not a product, but a program, and the Jews are instruments of its fulfillment.

“Jewish history is a record not only of physical facts but of metaphysical notions. The Jews believe themselves created and commanded to be a light unto the nations of the world. And they have attempted to obey, to the best of their considerable powers, that commandment…

“The Jews have been great truth-tellers. And that is why they have been so hated. A prophet will be feared and sometimes honored, but he will never be loved. A prophet must prophesy. And the Jews, therefore, will persist in pursuing truth as they see it wherever it leads.

“Jewish history teaches, if anything can, that there is indeed a purpose to human existence, and we are not just born to live and die like beasts of the field….”

 

Being a Jew isn’t easy, but it is an incredible privilege and responsibility. Being chosen and special always comes with a price tag.

When viewed in that light, our national travails, painful as they may be, become purposeful and meaningful. This is certainly true of our current struggle and anguish in Gaza and beyond. These powerful perspectives are vital for us to convey to our progeny.

There is no holiday that celebrates the eternity of our people and our values like Purim. The unbridled joy we feel during Adar is inextricably bound with knowing we are part of something greater than ourselves and that our lives, and our deaths, have meaning and purpose. It is the same joy that has been reflected on the faces of soldiers, and Jews around the world in past months. It is what grants the incredible conviction of families, including those who have lost parents, spouses, children, friends and/or neighbors the conviction and inner strength to carry on.

Despite our collective anguish and personal pain, we have an ethereal inner pride knowing that we are fighting for something divine and eternal, and that every one of us is an essential component of that Master Plan.

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

        R’ Dani and Chani Staum

stamtorah@gmail.com