Sunday, August 2, 2020

Parshas Vaeschanan/Nachamu 5780

 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”

Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Vaeschanan/Nachamu

10 Menachem Av 5780/August 1, 2020

Avos perek 3  

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

            What an unusual baseball season it has been! In a season that began quite late and had been shortened to 60 games, a couple of games were already cancelled because of an outbreak among Miami Marlins players.

            The games are being played in empty stadiums without fans. In some stadiums cardboard cutouts of fans were placed in the stands around the stadium. Artificial sounds of cheering crowds for the home team are also being sounded. Some (real) fans are complaining that the cutouts look freaky and should be removed.

            The roar of the crowd is a tremendous motivator. Every sports player is aware that talent alone doesn’t win games. There also has to be strong drive and determination. When playing in front of an emotional and exuberant home crowd, even during those games when a player may feel sluggish, he will be revitalized by the cheering reverberating throughout the stadium. Playing without crowds is far more challenging. Then the question becomes how each player can perform based on his abilities and self-generated determination and drive.

            Rabbi Chaim Vital writes that the true measure of a person’s sincerity in his service בין אדם למקום can be viewed by how he davens in private. When one is in Shul, no matter how sincere his prayers appear, on some level he’s motivated by a desire to present himself in a positive vein to others. But on those occasions when he must daven alone, that is indicative of how his connection to Hashem really is.

            Rabbi Shimshon Pincus notes similarly that the true assessment of one’s interpersonal relationships, is apparent from how one treats his/her spouse. A person can appear to be most wonderful to everyone and yet be a terror in his/her own home. It’s what happens behind closed doors that reveals one’s true character.

            During the months of isolation during the pandemic we were all forced to confront… ourselves. Davening in private and spending endless hours with the family in our own home tested who we really are, beyond the public view.  

            The Gemarah (Pesachim 49a) write: “A man should always be prepared to sell all he owns and marry the daughter of a Torah scholar. Such a union bears an analogy to grapes on a vine interconnected with the grapes of another vine (“invei hagefen b’invei hagefen”), which is something fine and acceptable.” Such wine is particularly flavorful because the product of one vine enhances the product of the other.

            Why did Chazal choose to compare a proper marriage to grapes, more so than any other fruit?

            Generally, the blessing recited on a fruit is, boray p’ree ha’aytz. However, if one squeezes out the juice from that fruit and drink its contents, the blessing recited prior would be shehakol. When one is eating foods that require different blessings, borei pri ha’aytz takes precedence over almost all other blessings, while shehakol is the final blessing recited. Thus, when a fruit is eaten, the blessing recited over it would take precedence over the blessing recited over its juice.

            The one exception is grapes. While the blessing recited on grapes is, borei p’ree ha’aytz,  if one squeezes out its juice the blessing is borei p’ree hagefen. The blessing recited on grape juice/wine, is the loftiest blessing one can recite on food/beverage. On Shabbos, the blessing on the wine of kiddush even precedes the blessing recited on the challah.

            At a wedding there is much exterior beauty. The hall, gowns, band, flowers, energetic dancing and flowing emotions are all quite visible. But what happens in the public eye of the wedding is hardly an indication of the true character of the marriage. The true barometer of the quality of the marriage is determined by how the newlyweds interact in the privacy of their own home.

            In their wisdom, Chazal compare a wedding to grapes, whose interior warrants an even greater blessing than what is recited on its exterior. This is the blessing we confer upon the newlyweds. We pray that the wedding with all its external beauty, be only the beginning of the true inner beauty that is hidden from the public eye and grows as the years of marriage continue.

            During the last few months of the pandemic, in accordance with legal restrictions, many marriages have been reduced to the barest minimum on many levels. The disappointment, frustration, and heartache that those newlyweds surely endured in having dreams of their beautiful weddings cancelled should never be undermined. Yet, so many attendees of such weddings - including parents and even chassonim and kallos themselves - described a certain ethereal beauty and genuine joy at these “Corona weddings”. In a sense, they are perhaps the epitome of invei hagefen b’invei hagefen, where the inner beauty and connection far exceeds that which is visible to the public.

 

            These words are being written particularly in honor of the upcoming marriage of Calev Minsky to Atara Goldberg. Bruce and Jill Minsky are dear friends. In Addition, we have watched Calev grow into the fine Ben Torah he is today. Like so many others, I am also an admirer, and, through his online lectures, consider myself a student of Rabbi Efrem Goldberg. The Kallah is the daughter of Rabbi and Rebbitzin Goldberg, and no doubt worthy in her own right. This was surely a wedding we would have loved to attend in person, but because of our being in isolation in camp and due to the current restrictions are unable.

            Instead, as we celebrate from afar, we extend our humble beracha that it truly be a shidduch which is ענבי הגפן בענבי הגפן, a home that will surely bring pride and honor to their wonderful families, communities, and to the Jewish people.

            May they build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.

 

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos,

            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

 


Thursday, July 23, 2020

Parshas Devorim/Chazon 5780


 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Devorim/Chazon
3 Menachem Av 5780/July 24, 2020
Avos perek 2  
JOY OF PAIN
            It’s an old Camp Dora Golding tradition. On Friday afternoon, the staff plays against the camp administration in a competitive baseball game. For most of the well over two decades that I’ve been here in camp, those games have been a mainstay of erev Shabbos in camp. During the last few summers however, those games fizzled out. But this past Friday, it was back on the schedule.
            So, as I’ve done so many times before, on Friday afternoon I took my place on the mound to pitch for the administration team. It’s been a few years since the administration really had a competitive team and were more than a collection of has-beens with Bengay. But this year we have some young blood due to a few former staff members who have come up through the CDG farm system to become administrators. (I call them the ad-MINI-stration.) It was bound to be a competitive game.
            I pitched a perfect game through the first batter, and never looked back. (Well, except for a bunch of hits and homeruns. But those aren’t so important.)
            Admittedly, I’m not as young as I will be. Although I made sure to stretch before the game, it didn’t take long after the game before I started to feel the strain. My pitching hand begin to ache along with the back of my left leg. On Shabbos morning I had a hard time walking because the Charlie horse in my foot became even more pronounced.
            It was interesting that although it hurt to walk, the pain was, in a strange way, a good feeling, at least psychologically. I knew that it meant I was working those muscles and that in the following weeks, if I play again, it won’t hurt as much.
            Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twersky recounted that during his residency in medical school, he was doing rounds in the hospital when a young patient told him he was feeling terrible pain in his leg. Dr. Twerski offered to write him a prescription for painkillers. The young man replied that he had not had any feelings in his legs and was extremely concerned. The fact that his feet were hurting him made him very happy, because it demonstrated that there was still feeling in his legs.
            In a similar vein, Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau relates that, following his release from Buchenwald, he and 220 other boys were taken to an orphanage in France. One afternoon, a Holocaust survivor named Leibovich came to visit them.
            Leibovich had lost his wife and children during the Holocaust and wanted to donate the money he had from his textile business to help children orphaned during the Holocaust. When he saw them, he burst into tears, crying out in Yiddish “Children! Children!” The youngsters - none of whom had wept in years - suddenly found themselves weeping along with him, sobbing uncontrollably with pent-up emotions.
            One of the boys got up to speak afterwards and thanked Leibovich for enabling them to cry.
            The young boy noted that he had seen his father murdered before his eyes, but had restrained his tears, so as not to give the Gestapo the satisfaction of seeing him break down. He had seen his mother die of starvation, and again had controlled his tears. He had begun to think he was inhuman, that he had become permanently numb to feeling all emotion. But, at that moment, he was finally able to release his feelings and to weep. The young man than added that, “Whoever knows how to weep knows how to laugh.”
            On Tisha B’av we mourn generation’s worth of pain, sorrow and loss. The words of kinnos are almost unbearable to read. It’s hard to grasp all the national tragedy we have suffered for so long. And yet, in the middle of Tisha B’av itself we begin to accept consolation. At midday we sit back up on chairs, don our tallis and tefillin, and recite Nachem, the prayer for comfort, during Mincha.
            In a certain sense, the pain itself is the source of our comfort. The very fact that we still recall the pain of the past is the clearest indication that our past losses are not bygones or events that have been relegated to the dustbin of history. Rather, they are part of a bigger story which is still being written. It’s a story that contains drama, tragedy and suffering, but a story that we know will have an incredible suspenseful climax that isn’t too far off. The prophets already told us the story. Now, we are awaiting to see exactly how it will play out.
            Pain is never anticipated or enjoyed, but when it leads to greater heights and has meaning it becomes bearable. Tisha B’av is a sad and tragic day, but therein lies the source of our hope and consolation.
            May we celebrate Tisha B’av next week.

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum       

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Parshas Matos-Masei 5780


 “RABBI’S MUSINGS (& AMUSINGS)”
Erev Shabbos Kodesh parshas Matos-Masei – Chazak!
25 Tamuz 5780/July 17, 2020
Avos perek 1 – Mevorchim chodesh Menachem Av  
PROFITS OF PROPHETS
            “Zehu Ze!” (This is It!) was a long-running Israeli comedy show from 1978 through 1998. It was a series of sketches that poked fun at the obsessions and idiosyncrasies of Israeli life. Now, 22 years later, the original group was reunited to give Israelis the opportunity to laugh during the current Corona pandemic. The new sketches poke fun at face masks, hand sanitizer, and social distancing.
            In one of those sketches, an interviewer is conducting an interview with an individual who has purportedly become very busy during the pandemic. When the interviewer asks him what he does, the individual explains that he posts random information on WhatsApp about the coronavirus. When the interviewer asks him where he gets his information from, the individual replies by pointing to three baskets on the table before him, each with little pieces of paper. He tells the interviewer to pick a piece of paper from each basket and to read him the contents. The interviewer does so and calls out “Taiwan”, “date honey” and “back of the knee”. The individual then dictates to himself as he types into his phone, “Researchers from The University of Taiwan have discovered that rubbing date honey on the back of your knee - “ At that point the individual stops and looks up and asks himself, “hmm - causes or prevents, causes or prevents?” After a moment of thought he continues, “- prevents coronavirus from spreading.” He then gleefully hits the send button.
            A moment later, the interviewer feels a buzz and checks his phone to reveal that he has gotten the message forwarded from friends and family.
            The incredulous interviewer asks the individual if any of the information he sends is true. The interviewer emphatically relies, “Of course it is! It was sent on WhatsApp! How could it not be true?!”
            The humor of that sketch belies a very sad truth - as a society we believe everything we read on the internet or see on social media. We then become so convinced of its truth that we will even passionately defend it. In psychology this is called “belief perseverance”, when one clings to a belief even in the face of overwhelming evidence countering that belief.
            The sad reality is that many, if not most, of the “facts” circulating aren’t facts at all. Rather, they are the product of individual opinions or rationalizations that may likely have little to no basis in reality.
            Mark Twain famously said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” The most notable thing about that quote is that Mark Twain never said it, despite the fact that it’s attributed to him.
            The Kotzker Rebbe famously quipped that not everything that is thought should be said, not everything said should be written, not everything written should be published, and not everything published should be read.”
            It’s possible that there has never been a time when news is more uncertain than now. There is almost no facts or statistics that aren’t debated heatedly.
            It’s hard to know currently what parts of society’s response to the pandemic is based on science and medical research, and which components are the result of politics and egos. The blame game is very in vogue these days - a game that costs lives and livelihoods. Inept leadership and double standards abound. Our time has been appropriately dubbed the era of fake news.
            We, the Jewish people, are no stranger to news bias, from which we continue to suffer from. The Torah community particularly is constantly ‘called out’ and targeted blatantly and unfairly.
Is there any absolute truth left in our world?
            Whenever a haftorah is read, beforehand we bless Hashem, “Who chose good prophets and was pleased with their words which were spoken with truth.” The words of the prophets, spoken three thousand years ago, are still as true and applicable today as when they were first uttered. Despite the fact that times and circumstances have drastically changed, the timeless messages of our prophets still speak to us. Their messages were often harsh, poignant, and condemning, but they were always said with love for their people and uncompromising dedication to the veracity of their message. They didn’t allow themselves to become intimidated or cowered. They fearlessly spoke the truth and conveyed their divinely inspired message faithfully.
            Chazal explain that there were thousands of prophets during the era of prophecy. But only those prophets whose messages are timeless were recorded in the canon of Tanach and have continued to be studied and learned throughout the generations.
            In a skeptical and dubious society, it is refreshing to be able to know there is one source of unabashed and unequivocal truth.
            The sad truth is that many are unfamiliar with the messages of the Neviim, and may not even have a cursory appreciation for the message of the haftorah each Shabbos.
After the 9-11 attacks, I heard from great rabbinical leaders, that part of our response must be to learn and study the words of Nach.
            As the era of Moshiach continues to rapidly approach and the predictions of the prophets continue to eerily unfold before our very eyes, it behooves us to make their words more central in our learning.
            My rebbe, Rabbi Berel Wein, notes that in all works of Torah scholarship, beginning with the gemara itself, everything is sourced and based on pesukim. All of the classic mussar works liberally quote from the words of the Neviim. In fact, those verses form the basis of their messages. Without understanding the source, one cannot fully comprehend the lesson being gleaned.
It is high time that we gave Nach the vital attention it deserves. There is one important caveat, however. Rav Shimon Schwab notes that without sufficient familiarity with the teachings and explanations of the Sages, the words and messages of the Prophets can easily be misconstrued and misunderstood. (It’s well known that Christianity is based on mistaken translations of pesukim in sefer Yeshaya). It’s analogous to viewing stars without a telescope. One sees objects but he doesn’t really understand what he is seeing.
            Today, we are blessed to have a plethora of beautiful works on Nach that explain the pesukim according to Chazal.
            In a sea of lies, bias and mistrust, we can and must find refuge upon the island of truth, to bask in its sunshine and enjoy its refreshing air.

Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
            R’ Dani and Chani Staum